I Wish

Doubts and fears about the future: who doesn't have them? I wish I were one of the few people who doesn't have them, but unfortunately, I belong to the group that feels these fears and doubts every day. It's not that I'm pessimistic, and that's why I still feel a bit of hope. But that doesn't remove the fact that the current reality is sometimes very confronting. I don't have my income, which makes me completely dependent on my partner. Although we keep our lives going together, it's a difficult, and very undesirable situation. I don't want to be dependent on another person for every little thing I need or want. The freedom to make your own financial decisions is invaluable. And it's underestimated by many people until they are confronted with losing this financial independence. Then they come to realize how important this is.

In addition, my partner and I are no longer in our thirties, which also means that we often think about what would happen if something happened to one of us. If something were to happen to him (knock on wood), I would be forced to fall back on the government. That prospect is far from reassuring.

Even though these are very real fears and doubts, I no longer allow myself to be paralyzed by them. Oh, don't get me wrong here. I was paralyzed for quite some time, but life is more than acknowledging these fears and doubts. It is mainly about how to deal with these fears and doubts. And that brings me to the hope I feel for the future. Change is needed. Not only for the future but also for the present. The financial situation must be improved. Because in a time when everything is becoming extremely expensive, living on one income is a daily challenge.

Action instead of waiting

My partner works four days a week, so the change in the current situation must come from me. In addition, he has an income. Admittedly not with a job that makes him happy, but despite that, that job currently gives us the income that we now so desperately need. I have no income, so it is up to me to create an income. Once that is going well, my partner can slowly start cutting back on his contract hours and that is how we ultimately want to achieve an independent income from our own business.

At the moment I am trying to create an income and I am trying to do that in various ways. For example, I blog here on Hive. And I admit it right away, that is not only to write but certainly also to earn a little extra. However, Hive alone will not make me rich, so lately I have shifted my focus. It took a while before I had built up enough self-confidence to dare, but now I am at the point where I am going to try to set up my own business with paintings and woodcrafts. With thanks to my wonderful partner for his unwavering support, help, inspiration, and motivation.

With the business that we want to set up together, we want to focus on wooden memorial products, (think of wooden urns for pets, wooden memorial houses, wooden ash jewelry, etc.), and animal paintings. The idea is to make something beautiful that can offer people comfort in a difficult time. And we will make it from sustainable and warm material, WOOD!. This idea arose because we encountered the problem that we could not find what we were looking for when we were looking for wooden urns for our deceased dogs, but of course, it should also be a way to make us financially stronger.

Working for a boss?

Of course, many people wonder why I don't simply apply for a job and work for a boss. That does indeed sound logical, but for me, it is not that easy.

I do not have a diploma that opens many doors. There are several reasons for that. First, I was always bullied in primary school. For a long time, I thought that this bullying was the reason that I made the 'wrong' choices for my education after primary school. Now I know that there were more reasons for this. I now also know that even if I had chosen a different education where I would have obtained a diploma that would have had meaning, very probably not much would have been different in my life.

One of those other reasons is my autism. That diagnosis was made not so long ago, but it has explained a lot to me. I am someone who quickly runs up against personal boundaries. And this is certainly noticeable in traditional work environments. To function well, I sometimes need to withdraw for a while, to gain an overview and reorient myself. That is not a weakness, but rather a way to regain my strength. Unfortunately, this is not accepted by many employers and colleagues. It is often interpreted as a lack of commitment or even disobedience. Because of this, I often had to push my boundaries in the past, which turned out to be untenable, both for me and for my employers.

Even now, with no one else to answer to, it remains a tremendous challenge to write about this. I have been judged too often for who I am. The rejection I have experienced has anchored a kind of shame in me. Shame to openly share that I sometimes literally run up against my boundaries. Shame to admit that I have inner blocks that sometimes flare up at the strangest moments and hold me back. Shame to admit that these blocks sometimes make it impossible for me to do something that is considered the most normal thing in the world by others. And the fear that others will reject me again for this reason runs deep. It is something I try to overcome every day. Especially in a time when people show the most 'ideal picture' of themselves via social media. So yeah, even now that I'm writing this, it feels scary to put my 'sad' reality out in the open on the blockchain. But because I also want to keep believing that vulnerability is strength, I'm writing it anyway. And also to keep motivating myself to push boundaries.

No Diploma, Still Opportunities

Although I don't have a diploma, that doesn't mean I can't do anything. On the contrary, I would like to say. I am creative, I can paint well, and I am skilled in woodworking. And I am certainly motivated to make something of it. After all, life is not about showing what you can't do. It's about what you can do.

I am determined to give myself and my partner a financially better future. That means that I don't give up, even when the road is difficult.

A Future Built on Hope

I will always feel fear and doubt. I don't have any doubts about that. Lol. But I hope that I can convert those negative feelings into action and strength. If I have learned anything, it is that no one else is responsible for my future but me.

With every blog, with every painting or woodwork piece I make, I come one step closer to my goal. It may be a long road, but as long as I keep moving forward, I know I am on the right track.