I am impressed by how some people my age still say that emotions cannot be controlled, and with that they justify their bad decisions. I don't blame them, I was once like that too, but with experience we acquire self-control and the idea is to keep looking for the best version of ourselves. However, there is a feeling that even though I seem to control in front of everyone, it still affects me a little bit secretly, and that is shame. I already know how to fight it, but added to my perfectionism it still attacks me eventually and it is an emotion that I don't need in my life and the one I would choose to eliminate if I could, as proposed in this weekend's topics.
In fact, shame is not compatible with art (in my opinion). I am a singer, and I must be 100% authentic and natural to give the best of me, whether the public likes it or not, because my profession deserves it. It seems that some of my colleagues do better, the craziest ones, the riskiest ones, and they are not afraid of what people will say, in fact I admire very much that they are not ashamed of making mistakes in public, which is one of my biggest mistakes. It is good to have a certain degree of perfectionism so that everything goes well, but you can not pretend to satisfy everyone; I have many years struggling with shame in my profession and so far is that I can fight it and many things are improving in my day to day.
As I said before, shame is an emotion, so it is normal for all of us to feel it, but we cannot live on it. My wife is a great example for me, that witch you see in the picture above is a diva, I know her darknesses and at the same time I have seen her shine starring in an opera or singing in front of an orchestra. In my work all the singers are amazing, but also very critical, so I think it is brave to stand up in front of everyone else to sing, in a world where everyone pretends to be right and there is a lot of competition. I have been a bit hidden all these years, but I have started a process to get rid of the shame since I went to Spain last year, and it has worked for me, in fact I realized that people don't really care about your life, only your real friends, and those are few.
If I had understood all this at an early age, perhaps my story would be different, because I confused humility with shame. Everything in my life has been slower because of that feeling, because in the end I always achieve what I pursue, it has cost me more than others. You have to understand that we are all important, everyone, even people who do not have an ideal mental capacity deserve respect. No one is more than me, but also no one is less than me, you just have to learn to deal with the people around you, with the public and do things at the right time. For pity I always put everything and everyone before me, and that brought me many disappointments, but I have learned, and it's a good age for it, so I breathe airs of a more promising future.
I know that I will not be able to free myself from that emotion completely, but I do know that I can handle it. Creating content has helped me a lot to put it into practice, I remember that in Spain I walked the streets talking in front of the camera, like a reporter, that was unthinkable for the old Jesus, but such a normal action gave me strength to get out of my mind that I am bad at everything and that people are watching me, and in fact, if I have done wrong, or if someone was watching me, I don't really care. I have my memories, my learnings, my Hive Power, and if people have a bad vibe... I'm still embarrassing, yes, but I'm not going to stop, I'm not going to let my life go on it and although it crosses my mind, I shouldn't think about what would have happened to me without the embarrassment either, because I've left the past behind and I'm putting all my heart into the present.
I wanted to share these pictures that I have taken for my blog, because I always look for solitude to do it. I shoot in solitude and the best ideas also happen there. I always felt ashamed to be seen in my moment of growth, introspection and learning, but at the same time I have always been in my classmates' classes, watching them make mistakes and learn in front of everyone. That's why they advance faster, because they dare, no matter what they say. That's what I want for my life, and now I'm unleashed. I started with my wife, the first one who doesn't judge me, but advises me and actually makes my ideas shine brighter. I'm happy with who I am and I'm looking forward to discover what this new super power of leaving shame behind offers me, my singing lessons have been wonderful this year and I'm already starting to notice the positive results in me. Late but sure 🙏 Thanks for joining me on this very personal post, I wish you excellent weekend! ✌️
This video is from the only time I have sung in front of the orchestra and in front of my fellow choir members. It was bad, I know, I still remember the audience destroying me with their looks hahaha, but it was the beginning of something wonderful, when it happens again and more prepared, it will be one of the most important moments in my personal growth.
