Happy start to the weekend, everyone! I read the #Weekend-Engagement topics very early this morning, and they seemed more personal than about everyday life. Some of them seemed like they were written by very brave people who aren't ashamed to share their deepest secrets 😅 Good for them! All five topics made me think and question a lot about myself, and I was surprised to feel a bit exposed when I saw myself as a victim. I dare say that right now, the victim mentality doesn't represent me to others, since I took control of my own life a long time ago and I know there's no going back, but this is truly a new feeling.
I look back on my own life, and although as a man I was forced to take on all kinds of responsibilities, in the past I always saw myself as a victim of life. I don't know if there are different degrees in what defines that word, because perhaps I've never allowed myself to see myself that way among others, but I definitely felt that way. About four years ago, when the whole process of my father's accident, illness, death, and mourning began, I think I did express my victimhood a lot. It was a bad episode in my life, but it was precisely during that time that I reflected on so many things that needed to change.
I don't know about you, but living like a victim is incredibly sad. You think everything is unfair, you don't understand why nothing good ever happens to you, and you don't expect anything positive. In fact, if something good does happen, you get scared. I've always had friends in my life, but in the past, I never discussed intimate topics with them. Now I'm a bit more open about certain things, and true friends shake things up and force you to take control of your own destiny, whether through encouraging words, uncomfortable conversations, or by setting an example of taking responsibility for everything.
I prefer the latter. I've seen many people going through the worst moments of their lives, and although they eventually break down, they generally face each problem with great responsibility. That inspired me a lot, and I wanted to be that person too. I haven't thought for a long time that bad things happen for a reason, or just complained, cried, and buried my sorrows in sweets or in bed. Every time I feel life knock me down, I immediately get to work to shake off that feeling.
The excuses are over; I am now fully responsible for my actions. And I won't deny that things are overwhelming, especially these last two weeks when I was voiceless—they were difficult. Deep down, my old habit of playing the victim resurfaced in my thoughts: "Am I going to lose my voice?" "Will I need surgery?" I even thought I would cry in front of my choir members out of despair, but I didn't, because I'm not that person anymore. These last two weeks I rested, followed my treatment, and refused to do anything that didn't contribute to my health, even though it caused some friction with those around me.
There's no going back now on this new way of seeing life. It might seem like I always write the same thing, but it's because everything is connected. When you learn the art of living, all you do is add well-being to your body, mind, and soul, and I know I'm in that process right now. The hardest part is fighting against yourself, that boy who played the victim and remained a prisoner of himself. No, no more, what a huge mistake, but I understand why I was like that; nobody is born knowing everything. There might still be a bit of that insecure boy deep down, but I don't think he'll ever have another chance to resurface. He'll just be a memory of my journey toward maturity. 🙏 Just look around you; these photos are from yesterday and today. Beauty is there, and that's life, but we can't see it as long as we continue to play the victim of our own destiny...
