There are certain moments in life that stay with us no matter how much time passes. Some of moments are beautiful and memorable while others are painful.
The one experience I have wished I could forget but simply cannot is experiencing my first heartbreak. It was one of those moments that left a mark so deep that even after healing and four over three years, the memory still sits somewhere in my mind.
Heartbreak is one of the toughest experiences any man or woman can go through. You give your time, your energy, your attention, and sometimes even adjust your life just to make sure that things work out well between you and your partner. You make sacrifices because you believe in what you are building with the other person. Then one day everything collapses. That kind of pain is not something you shake off easily, especially when you are someone who loves too deeply and sincerely.
My first heartbreak was exactly like that. Even though I have forgiven the person when she realised she mistake and decided to ask for forgiveness, the entire journey from the moment I discovered the truth to the long months that followed is something I cannot erase. That moment came with countless depression, sleepless nights, hospital visits, and a level of emotional stress I wasn’t really prepared for.
I had always believed that when you love someone, you give your all. I never believed in double dating or keeping a backup plan just in case. If I was committed to you, then I expected the same in return. Simple and straightforward.
But life doesn’t always go the way we expect. What one person values may not matter to another. In my relationship with my ex, things looked very okay from the outside. We rarely argued, everything seemed normal, and for years, I believed we were fine. Then gradually, after a while I began to notice small signs I was not sure of. Secretive calls, hidden chats, sudden changes in attitude. At first, I ignored them, and I was telling myself it was nothing, just trust her. I wasn't ready to compromise my feeling if she was doing anything bad because I've know her. For over seven years we were best friends and we dated for about a years. So I know the kind of person she was and what she can do but then, that feeling of doubt wouldn’t go away from my mind.
One day, I decided to checked her phone, and what I saw left me heartbroken. There were chats between her and another guy which she had been secretly dating for some time. I went through the chats of her and the guy and got to the part that really surprised me the most. She told him she would intentionally create a problem between us (me and now), leave me for some time to be with him (the other guy), then come back later and apologize because she knew I'm to soft and would always forgive her. Literally, the guy knows I'm dating her for her to make that statement. Reading those words felt like a punch to the chest. When I confronted her, the only explanation she could gave was that I was too gentle and lenient on her and she needed someone who could be a bit harsher on her That alone said everything I needed to know.
We ended the relationship, but the effect didn’t end that day. I fell into a deep emotional state that affected not just my health but my academics. I was diagnosed with extremely low blood pressure and rushed to the hospital. Months later, the same stress and depression pushed my blood pressure high this time around. I lost my peace of mind, my focus, and my academic performance. I went from a first class division to a second class upper because the period when the whole incident happened was an examination period. It was a tough period for me.
For three years, I avoided anything related to relationships. I didn’t want to hear about love, dating, or commitment. I told myself I would never be that gentle and understanding guy again. But with time, I realised something important, being strict or harsh does not guarantee a healthy relationship. What truly matters is balance communicating honestly, setting boundaries, respecting each other, and correcting issues when they first appear instead of letting them grow.
That experience really affected me and even though I cannot forget it, it taught me what is right to do in a relationship, love sincerely, but also protect your peace, be patient, but also be firm with your values, give your best, but never lose yourself in the process.
And today, even though the memory still remains, I believe am better than before because of the experience.
Thank you so admin 