I met my “Homies with feelings” a few years ago when I was way younger, at the time he wasn’t my type because I was into rejects but we became friends and he was always that thoughtful person who made me smile.
We lost contact almost immediately but met again a few years after, and this time I was in a relationship and he had business with my then partner. I think this period built our friendship and without it, we wouldn’t be where we are today. He was constantly a shoulder when I would cry and a source of laughter when I needed it, I didn’t realize he had feelings for me, or maybe I didn’t want to realize, he felt too good and pure for me and I wasn’t ready to ruin when we had.
I could remember him telling me one day after I had ended my very toxic relationship how “he always had feelings for me and how I never saw him”, it stung me but it was too late, he was already in a relationship and it wasn’t with me.
He broke up with his partner a few months after but he was too broken to date and I was too lost to chase, all I could say was “whenever you are ready, I am here for you”, those were the last words I said to him and we never heard from each other again.
During this period, I had trials and fails and I gradually got locked in a shell of being scared of ever dating, in my head, I started feeling that relationships were a waste of time and I didn’t need them even though deep down I knew I wanted it.
As fate may have it, one day while at work I got a call from him and the rest has been history.
I call him my "homies with feeling" because it feels simpler as a tag than using the words most people would use, as a commitment-phobe, I have gradually realized how scary tags are for me and how many relationships I had lost just because of this factor.
I can’t end this without talking about my human (a nickname I call him), meeting him, and experiencing life with him has changed my perspective on life, I have never met anyone as pure and kind-hearted as him and sometimes I feel like I would wake from this dream and immediately I feel sadness.
Writing this I can’t help but smile because I can see his smile and you need to see it to understand how beautiful it is. He has shown me parts of me I couldn’t have discovered alone.
I am not scared of us coming to an end because even if I lose him, I have gained so much more in the time that I have had him and what joy this brings to me.
Below are some things we wrote to each other
Please check out EGGSTA's track titled "BAE" on YouTube, it is a smooth, funky and uplifting song featuring Lee Cole