WEEK 160: Yes, I have asked a guy out for a first “date” and…

Hello friends, I wish you a very happy weekend. This is the first time I post on this community and I’m very glad to do it today with this initiative.

I decided to choose this topic for my writing: Have you ever asked (or would you ever ask) a guy out for a first date?

The worst thing one can do is not to try. Jim Rohn

This my face trying to look confident enough

I have to confess that I am a girl with no much experience with dating. The matter itself gives me anxiety. I guess is because when you are going to hang out with someone, you are totally unaware what it is going to happen. I picture a lot of scenarios in my mind and then, I prefer not to get involved at any relate thing with romantic partners or dating. Yes, I have been running away from this for a while now.

However, some months ago I decided to gain some courage and make the big move with a guy who I used to work with. Since I arrived to the company, we established a good workmate relationship. I felt comfortable chatting with him about work but also about some personal topics. We had known each other for more than a year.

I had been thinking to take this step for so many days whether it was a yes or no. I decided to do it on my last day of work because I was going to take my 3 weeks’ vacation. I thought it was a smart choice because if this thing went wrong, I wasn’t going to see him the next day. I’ll have time to digest whatever the outcome was.

So, when the working day ended and we were walking towards the bus stop, I took a deep breath and said the magic words: "hey, do you have something to do now?" He said: "no, I’m just going home. Why?"
I said: "Would you like to hang out with me today? We can walk around the mall and grab something to eat or drink. I’m going to the mall because I have dance rehearsal there but it’s in 2 hours, and I think it’ll be nice if we spend some time together until I go to my class".

This is how I thought I looked like while doing the invitation

I think he was a bit shocked for the proposal but still he said: "okay, I can see you there in 2 hours".

I told him that I meant to go at the moment not in 2 hours, but then he said he didn’t want to go because he didn’t feel comfortable by going out wearing the company’s uniform. "Why didn’t you tell me yesterday so I could bring some extra clothing and then hang out with you?" He said like in a regretful tone.

I felt a bit ashamed and just said that my dance teacher told us the same day about the place and time of the rehearsal, which was true. There was an awkward silence... so my final answer was that there wasn’t a problem and that maybe we could do it some other time. I perceived he felt bad by saying no because he even stayed with me for a while on the bus stop waiting for my bus to come, like to compensate his negative answer (?) While we were waiting, he asked my phone number in order to set another day to hang out. I gave it to him, we talked till I left and during my vacation time, we messaged in several occasions but that was it. I came back to work for only a month and then I quit. We said goodbye to each other and yes, we have talked on Whatsapp during the past three months but still, no invitation has arrived.

During those conversations, he has mentioned like 3 times that we still have a pending encounter but last time he said it, I told him that there was not an obligation to ask me out just because I did it. It wasn’t like he owed me something. He said he didn’t feel that way, that he really wanted to hang out with me soon, but there hasn’t a set date yet.

At this moment, I think there is not going to be one. What do you think?

I think I caught him in a bad personal time or maybe he just doesn’t see me like a girl he would like to date.

Who knows?

But one thing is certain, and is that I feel proud of myself for taking this step. As I said at the beginning, I’m very shy when it comes to love and dating matters, so I think it is a win for me because at least I tried it.

I think this experience showed me 2 things:

1. Not all the guys are going to say yes just because you are a girl, or you are pretty. They have the right to also say "no" if they are not into you or want to date.
2. It’s okay to ask guys out. Yes, it’s scary, for me it is, but it doesn’t have to be seen like you are maneater or something like it. It’s not a matter of roles, it’s a matter of wants.