Greetings friends, it is a pleasure to greet you again. Today I would like to share with you my participation in the Weekend-Engagement : WEEK 234, answering the question: "Have you ever been disappointed in yourself?"
Have you ever felt like you stopped being yourself because you gave even your self-love to someone else? Have you loved someone so much that you poured your time, effort, affection into them, and even though they didn't appreciate it, you kept trying to make them see how valuable you were? It didn't matter that the signs of reciprocity weren't there; you idealized the idea of being with that person so much that you forgot to bring them down from the pedestal you placed them on. Have you ever felt that way?
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| One of the only remaining photographs of the two together. |
I have. I was so devoted to a love that in my mind was perfect, but in reality never came close to being anything good. I gave this person my time, my feelings, my efforts, my attention, everything I could give, even after the biggest demonstration that he didn't want me. You can't imagine how disappointed I am in my past self for all of that.
There were moments when I was completely blind and didn't want to see the red flags in the relationship. I settled for much less than I deserved and what I wanted for myself. I romanticized actions that I now recall and realize how horrible they were. I overlooked all those signs, taking them as demonstrations of affection or things that didn't matter when in reality, they were significant. Even after ending that situation, I had episodes where I let myself be dragged down by sadness and idealization, leading me to seek out that person once again, even after he did something terrible and made it clear that I wasn't important to him at all.
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| One of the many things I remember from that relationship is that he never had time to spend with me. We never went on an official date and when we did go out it was always with his group of friends. |
I don't completely blame myself because I know that many people have been through the same. But I'm convinced I could have been smarter and not allowed myself to be hurt so much, which disappoints me a bit about myself.
Overcoming this and moving forward was, and still is, very difficult for me. To achieve this, I had to work a lot on my self-growth, self-love, and self-esteem. I had to learn to forgive myself for things I couldn't control at that time and for being carried away by my illusions. I also had to learn to accept my weaknesses, my mistakes, the consequences of my decisions, and to recognize my worth beyond what others think of me. Ultimately, I had to focus more on myself, my skills, my hobbies, my goals, my physical and mental well-being, and to build a healthier and stronger relationship with myself.
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One of the things that has helped me the most has been going out to enjoy moments alone, to learn that even in solitude I can be happy.
In this process, I accepted that these things are part of life. In life, you will be disappointed by many situations and people, but whenever you disappoint yourself, you must find a way to improve because no matter what, you should always be proud of who you are and what you do. You must learn to love and accept yourself despite the circumstances and make sure that what you do will make you happy and help you grow without regrets.
So, if you ever felt this way or went through a similar situation, remember that you can use that experience to sink into sadness or embark on a journey of self-acceptance and self-love. You can always allow yourself the time to cry, but you must also give yourself the time to heal, forgive yourself, and grow from those experiences. Remember that you deserve love, but it always starts with the love you give yourself.
All photographs used in this post are my property, the cover was edited in the app IbisPaint