Mike, while requestingTime-Out
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As you all probably have already read, I am the coach of a Wheelchair basketball team. Previously, I had a lot of experience as a player, a lot of experience in leading groups of salesman and working groups. But never as a coach.
When you are the coach of a team, you must be able to constructively impose yourself, recall people when they are doing wrong, getting upset (in a controlled way) with players (and other people when necessary) that are not respecting directives but getting back to the positive and smiling mood in seconds or minutes at the most. Instead I see people, that cannot control their emotions and they stay angry or upset to the team or to the coach for days even weeks. That’s childish and a coach/leader cannot make that error because every behaviour we have is then reflected onto the people we are leading.
We are there to give the example, not to drag them down.
Last Thursday it happened to me something strange. A player decided to get back to the team I am coaching in Reggio Emilia (Italy).
This guy “ejected himself” from the team because he openly argued against the previous Coach and Vice-Coach that are both helping me now, as my Vice-Coaches. One of them has played Wheelchair Basketball for 20 years and the other is a Physical Education Professor at High School and University, with a specialization on adapted sports for handicaps.
So they are not really the latest guy you would listen to when it comes to Wheelchair Basketball.
After he harshly argued during a match with the Coach and vice-Coach (at that time, few months ago), he went out from the field, yelling and making a lot of noise with doors, throwing punches here and there.
Last Sunday we had a home-match, that unfortunately we lost by just three points, with huge honor since we played against A-League and National players.
This guy came to see the match. I knew what he did so for me he was like a ghost: I neither cheered him even if we played together for some matches.
He asked to get back on the team. I laughed at first. I could not believe.
At first he spoke with the President and the Coach, by phone and he apologized for his behaviour. But for me was not enough. Things said in “camera caritatis” can be rephrased in any occasion so I agreed to welcome him to a first training and in front of the Vice-Coach, the President and the whole team he apologized. The Vice-Coach accepted the apologies.
But then was my turn to share with him my training policies, since he as well offered to “coach the younger guys” so I literally said (just in Italian) to him, in front of all the team:
- you will never ever have the chance to reach an escalation of like you have done before because before it happening you will find yourself already out from this team
- we are a Team and not simply a group of people, meaning that everything, EVERYTHING that is done in this gym together is aimed to the Greater Good of the Team and not for selfish purposes. Because we are a Team, se each other here is watching each other’s back. –
- If you think to coach these guys (13 and 16 years old) just because you are older than them, you have no idea of how much wrong you are. I am the coach here, I have the blessing to be surrounded by two Vice-Coaches and a President that speak almost the same language of mine in Wheelchair basketball even if I was the one playing at highest levels, so do not worry. I know my guys and girls and I know how to support them. And they know how to support each other, so do not bother. Take care of you and you playing at the best of your capacities.
When I start working with a new group of people, they usually all get feared at first because I sound quite harsh.
But I am not cocky just for the sake of being cocky. I am harsh because people have to understand that I am a performer and the ones that do not put 100% of themselves in what we are doing they should definitely expect me becoming cocky, sarcastic, acid and I sometimes make fun of them.
They have to feel the pressure. If they can resist, they will have more of it but in the meanwhile they will also have more results (because they will be increasing their dedication).
Then, I will lift some pressure from them. They get to know me, they understand that if they need to argue and confront me in public they will stand no chance but if they want to talk privately about their problems or doubts, I am one of the best listener they will ever find in the team (and sometimes even in their life).
A picture of the Team I am coaching. I am the one with the number 7 suite, when I was still playing.
And you know the funny thing?
When people understand that is not my Ego talking but it’s my heart speaking to them in a way to impress them to penetrate deep into their mind, they all love me. They hug me, when they are complimented for their improvements they say in public (and in private) that is my credit because I am training them well and they all finish games with the smiles on their faces because they acknowledge they are playing at the best of their capacities (at that moment).
And you know why?
Because I extracting the best from them, I am pushing them towards their limits in a guided way under my supervision so if they find themselves too much uncomfortable, I will be there to help them.
So I think that being feared in a healthy and constructive way is a great tool to make the best to permeate into people. And those who will be humble enough, in the end, will deeply love you!