š I have been pondering over this topic for few months till I see an opportunity to refine and share it. I saw the challenge: WE83 post topics: Your first time.
So here is my entry for the challenge, thanks 
A while back in my endless YouTube search, I learned this term āseason of alonenessā, not āseason of lonelinessā from a pastor in Houston. Itās exactly expressing what I need in life, itās a chapter of life Iām embracing for the first time!
For my entire life, I have always been around other people: my parents, sister, family members and then in committed relationship. Unconsciously, I chose to be around people and they helped fill a void in my soul and probably vice versa. I realized I didnāt feel whole during the past 10, 15 years and realizing that important fact after my recent breakup has helped me so much in working towards being whole myself. That is why I deeply & strongly embrace this season of aloneness in life for the first time since turning an adult. This process feels like a rebirth, a rediscovering and reconnecting with myself.
Life was good, on the surface, for me until I was forced out of my relationship (well, at least I felt āforcedā at first). I was extremely uncomfortable when the relationship failed, but I had faith that the universe was trying to tell me to wake up, to figure out what I need instead of what I want. In the past, what I want was relying on another person to comfort me, validate me and applaud me out of my own feelings of insecurity. I didnāt know how to be there for myself, I need a ācrutch for my soulā (that crutch could be a family member, a pet, a partner, a friend, a jobā¦something from the outside). I realized I didnāt feel whole because I didnāt know to search inside, to look inward.
What I need is to be comfortable with myself alone, to love myself first, to spend more time with myself. So I spent already two years on my own (not even with any family members or friends like I used to). And itās the longest time Iāve been alone, just to be around myself, talk to myself, listen to my own thoughts & felt my feelings, lots of them were negative but they got less & less. I can say Iām doing an okay job. I realized I donāt need to be in a relationship to be happy (especially, to rush into one to fill the void in life). I become more aware of my energy level, my feelings and I become more focused internally than in the past, I want to feel good first before I connect to others to share positive energy. I learned to recognize my energy level & to preserve it if necessary. I practice gratitude frequently, to feel deserving of happiness, stability, security, abundance in my life (these are things I didnāt feel in the past because I was an anxious individual trying to please everyone in my life to earn love)
In this season, for the very first time, I have CONSCIOUSLY:
š» Took the first solo trip around one of the most beautiful islands in Vietnam
š¹ Wrote a self-love note and took myself out on a date for Valentineās
š· Bought myself lots of flowers with tons of love
š Walked along the beach as far as I liked, till I saw nothing else except waves and felt only the breeze
š Offered smile to strangers that later became my acquaintances and friends
āļø Settled into a brand-new city and expand my circle of friends
....more to come šššššš
And I can definitely say that life is getting BETTER once I started to love myself!
Again, many thanks to author
Thanks for being here and reading my story!