IT ARRIVED: My Last Weekend

✨Hello! I'm Patsitivity!✨

I've been eyeing to participate in the The Weekend community's weekly engagement topic but have been away from my keyboard for the last few weekends. I found all the topic options interesting but I picked one that is nearest to my heart:

If this weekend was your last one ever what would you do with it and why. Who would you see and speak to, what activities would you do, what foods would you eat and so on.

I'll be a bit vulnerable in this post as I share to you the most important aspect of my life.

Here goes...

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A Privilege

Whenever I travel alone, I tell myself that I’m ready to die. There’s always a huge chance that the small speedboat I’m in will capsize, that the bus or van I’m riding will encounter a road accident, or I might be robbed and killed, who knows? The possibilities are endless. Writing this got me a bit teary-eyed actually. I’ve been away from home for the past two weeks and I only realize how much I missed the smell of my bed and the hugs and kisses of Ma when I read this topic last night.

The idea of being away from my family for too long or worst, forever, is something that scares me to the bone. For me, nothing is scarier than leaving home for good. I am not afraid of death per se. In fact, I could die any time any day. I’ve been living my life as intentionally as I could because I know life’s fleeting and because of that, I’m confident to go wherever death will take me.

What terrifies me tho is the idea that my mother and father will be left behind with no one to take care of them, with no one to assist them, with no one to make sure that every single need will be taken care of. My father’s 77 y.o. and my mother just turned 68 y.o. last month. I’m the youngest, the only unmarried kid in the family. And since I graduated from college, I’ve been taking care of them and the family’s needs.

I believe that knowing when you’ll die is a privilege. Why? In my case, I get to plan and prepare everything for my family before leaving.

Second to the last day

Thinking about weekend that means I have two days, right? Two days to make the most out of.

I’m imagining a busy Saturday. As expected from an organized lady, I’d be spending my last Saturday ensuring that I’ll prepare my family and their needs before I depart.

I’ll do my best to wake up as early as 5 AM. First, I’ll take care of the last batch of laundry, then do the final general cleaning in the house. After which, I’ll go to the nearest supermarket to shop for a year’s worth of food supplies and other household essentials. I’ll surely be paying attention to the expiration date for food tho. Then, I’ll head to the pharmacy to buy maintenance medicines, vitamins, and supplements. Given that medicine’s shelf life can last up to 2-3 years (I’m not sure about this), I’ll be buying 2 years’ worth of all the necessary items. And oh, I should be buying Ensure for Ma and Pa as well. Since I’m buying from a friend who offers it at a lower rate, I’ll be placing orders ahead of time.

In the afternoon, my niece and nephew will surely be visiting the house since it’s a Saturday. It will be noisy and chaotic as expected are around. The two will surely be bugging me the entire afternoon, forcing me to play games (weird physical games such as wrestling and karate). This time tho, I won’t shut my door and tell them to find someone else to play with. I’ll openly accept each punch and kick knowing that it will be the last.

I'll make a few calls and emails to remind someone how he's supposed to give the money I saved for my parents, who to contact for my insurance claims, and all the money matters. I've given instructions to him a few months back (yes, this is real) but a little reminder wouldn't hurt. I'm sure he'd like to hear my voice for the last time as well. ❤️

Sounds like a busy day already but I still have dinner to take care of, I’ll be preparing everyone’s favorite dishes - grilled pork and fried chicken for my nephew, sunny side up for my niece, chicken or fish tinola for my parents. And we'll share sumptuous food together in our rather rowdy dining area.

After eating dinner, it's time to turn on the karaoke. We will be singing until we run out of breath. By then, I can only think of how tired I'd be, but before resting, I’ll be taking out an unused spring notebook and will start to scribble birthday greeting letters for my lover. Perhaps, I'd prepare about a hundred letters one representing a specific year. I'd leave a note that he can only read one letter on his special day. This way, even if I'm gone, I can still greet him on his birthdays to remind him how much he means to me, that not even death can stop me from greeting him year after year.

My last day ever

I can think of grand ways to spend my last weekend, my last day. But in the end all I want is a Sunday like any other Sunday at home.

“Yes, they'll all come to meet me
Arms reaching, smiling sweetly
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home”

I’d like to wake up to the soothing songs of Engelbert Humperdinck and Tom Jones from our old radio to which my father will surely confidently sing along. I'll be secretly smiling to hear the little arguments of my mother and father while they argue about what food to cook for me. They do that all the time. I wonder why they need to argue when they can just cook all the food they can think of for me. 😂 But if they ask me, I'd like to wake up to the smell of Nilagang Baka (Beef Soup) and fried fish.

It will be the most relaxing day ever, just hanging out in our veranda overlooking the grown-up mango trees that my grandfather planted. My mother will be talking about so many things and I'll be there physically and mentally present taking note of the random stuff she'll talk about.

At 3 pm, I’ll ask Ma what she wants for our afternoon snacks or merienda. If she tells me she'll eat anything I'd prepare, I'll bake my first sugar doughnut and give the first cooked one to Pa for his seal of approval. He used to be a baker in our small bakeshop so he'd know if I did it right or not.

I'd spend the rest of the afternoon chilling in our living room. Perhaps, grab a book and read a few pages. Open Netflix and watch an episode of my favorite Korean series. It ain't too much to ask, I'll take a nap for half an hour. When I wake up, I'd grab my running shoes and run a few miles until sunset. I'll end my running route at the best place to watch the sunset in my humble hometown. I'd sit somewhere while I recover my breath and gather my senses.

And for the last time, I'd be present, grounded, grateful for the days I've been allowed to borrow, for the days I've been allowed to make a difference, for the days I've been given the freedom to wander, to get lost, for the days I get to celebrate life and its magic.

And finally, I'd smile. One last final smile of relief. I've lived a great life and probably the best I could get in any other lifetime. And I could say that until the last day, I've been true to what I truly want out of this life - peace, love, happiness, and contentment,

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A Reminder

I'd like to thank this community and the people behind it for this week's interesting topics. I've been having trouble taking in all life's adversaries lately. I told myself I'll be spending the day reflecting on what matters most to me and this was my way of reflecting. It's scary that the world has its way of distracting us and redirecting our focus to the things we shouldn't be giving even a drop of our attention to. That's why this week's engagement topic has helped me a lot. Contrary to my initial thoughts, that writing this will make me sad, I felt the opposite. I felt overflowing gratefulness in my heart. At the end of the day, nothing's more important than my family and the people I love.

At times, we need to slow down and reassess what's most important to us, because we don't have much time. In fact, we don't know when our time will end. But if we live each day, spending each waking hour only for things that add value, for things that bring peace, love, and happiness, we'll live each day as if each day is equivalent to a hundred years.

Life's fleeting. I hope we learn to make the most out of it. ❤️

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