How are you all here in The Weekend Community? I've been meaning to join the WE after my first entry last November but have been busy on weekends with household chores, running errands, and yes, the recent Typhoon that hit my hometown. Anyway, let's not talk about what I did while I was away, the focus should be on sharing my experience for this weekend's engagement topic.
After reading Galenkp's post yesterday, no doubt I picked this topic:
Tell us about a time you learned a very valuable lesson. What was it, the circumstances around it, how did the learning process go and what was the result?
What I've shared in the past has been personal as well as this one that you're about to read.
THE TURNING POINT
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay longer?"
We were about to part ways when he blurted out those words and gave me the look, the one that melted my heart the first time he fetched me in his old Corolla.
He continued as if it's not enough to listen to what he just said "I can stay another night if you’ll stay with me. If not, I’m going ahead and catch the last trip back to home”
His offer was inviting like a sizzling sisig with a sunny side up on top, a sliced calamansi on the side, and an endless platter of rice. Who could say no to this offering for dinner, right? I looked at him intently as I slowly wiped my tears that were starting to dry up.
I could say yes to his offer and just forget about what he just confessed.
Oh, did he just confess? He did.
He told me he wasn’t looking for someone like me – the kind you can marry anytime because she’s beyond ready to keep the order in the house, budget the money you’ll give her on paydays, plan and cook the week’s healthiest meal for two, arrange the household's clothes by usage, color, and fabric type.
He told me he wasn’t ready for anything real. But he welcomed me anyway despite knowing what I wanted, what I was looking for right from the start. Let's just say he couldn't resist my charisma! 😂
He told me he dated countless girls in the past. He even dated a few during the time we were having a thing. Have you ever felt that after all of the long wait, someone finally gave you answers and none of them sounded familiar? None of them made sense. It's as if I never knew this guy.
FIXING A BROKEN HEART
In my previous write-up, I described him this way:
He was any hopeless romantic girl’s dream boy. Standing at 5’11’’, an ex-international Flight Attendant, goes to the gym in the morning, plays basketball at night, creates heartwarming music from his old guitar, and oh, his singing voice, you can just close your eyes and listen to him all day. On top of that, he’s fun to be with. He can turn each boring topic into an interesting one. He has this unique way of keeping you excited the entire time you’re talking with him.
He was nice and pretty, but unfortunately, he's broken, unfixable as what he'd want to label himself. I've heard of stories about his toxic relationship with his parents, his past relationship with the girl he thought he’ll marry one day. He was by far the most broken record I’ve met. He believed no single person can genuinely love him because of his past. He was convinced that life’s all about playing fire with all the girls he meets along the way; no one’s gonna stay anyway might as well enjoy.
But I was different, I came to his life not to play around; I made sure to make him feel the same all the time. The moment our paths crossed, I saw his pain. I saw a barren life in his eyes despite how much it tried to sparkle they were dead deep inside. I felt the hunger for compassion, empathy, love, care, trust. I felt that no matter how much I try to make him laugh, there’s always gonna be suffering and pain within him. My officemates warned me not to deal with this kind of guy; he’s devastated and it’ll do no harm to him if he’ll continue in such a state.
But I couldn’t help it – I’m not sure if it was love or pity that prevailed. I couldn’t stop myself from staying just another day, and one more day and another day all over again just to make sure this guy gets the guiding light he deserves. So I was there early in the morning, researching for “funny jokes” so I can have one to send to him. Looking back, I could say that my dedication was tremendous. I just thought it was all dark and gloomy where he’s at and I’m responsible for bringing light to his world. So I lived every single day trying to convince him that love, my love could make a difference.
THE BITTERSWEET GOODBYE
He waited for my response and maybe he prayed I'd stay. I moved closer, gave him an awkward hug, and with the last streak of courage I said "I have to go. I will be okay without you."
I turned around and walked away with questions in my head.
"Are you sure of this? There will be no turning back."
I move forward and mind you, I never looked back to check if he's still in the exact spot where I left him. I felt I was the bravest for walking away from the kind of relationship I never deserved.
The weekend after that my friends and I went on a trip to a famous island in the Northern part of Cebu (he was supposed to come with us). There, while facing the calm ocean at six in the morning, I finally cut the ties we've built and told him that "I can't fix you. I shouldn't be fixing you in the first place."
My heart shattered into millions of pieces as I let go of the idea that I, my love, can't make him a better man, a new person. For the first time, I decided to stop thinking about someone else's welfare. I stopped looking out for people who couldn't even be loyal to me at least respect me as a woman.
THE BIG LESSON
It's funny that at the end of every single unfavorable encounter we just tell ourselves "It's okay, at least we learned something from it" to console ourselves from the idea that something special didn't work out the way we dreamed it to end.
My encounter with this too-good-to-be-true guy changed my view of life in all ways possible. It was like I tripped and fell and when I stood up again, everything felt new.
From then on, I stopped looking for people to fix. Finally, I woke up and realized I don't have superpowers to change people. Sure I can motivate and be there when they need guidance, but I couldn't force anything much so drastic changes to people, especially to people who don't want change to begin with. The need to change should come from within.
NOW WHAT?
I seized every opportunity to start afresh, not just a new chapter but an entirely new book. I started focusing on myself; I figured that I've been terribly busy looking out for others that I've shoved aside caring for myself. I decided that this time around it will just be about me and no one else.
I started sticking to healthy habits - eating balanced meals, exercising at least three times a day, doing yoga at least once a week, running at least a full marathon in installments every month, meditating at least twice a week, discovering a skincare routine that made me realize that my face could look a little more decent than what it used to be. I traveled in places I would've not thought of visiting without the encounter. I realized I was brave, brave enough to do anything I can think of accomplishing. I realized my potential hadn't even reached the sky, or that there's no limit to it.
I looked for people who can help me bloom like the summer flower I am meant to be. I surrounded myself with people who can push me to be better. I was done dealing with people who claimed that they aren't whole. This time I know that I don't want another half, I want another whole. Not perfect but whole.
And him? Apparently, my sufferings weren't in vain. He changed, somehow. He's now enrolled in a Law School pursuing something huge for the first time. I am happy to say we're now friends. And everything that happened in the past happened for a reason.
I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone. And if there's any other way to learn how to value one's worth, I'd rather take that path. But there's no undo button in life; I learned that my value or worth doesn't depend on a mission of fixing broken people. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson the hard way.
In the end, we all meet people at certain points in our lives to influence us in ways we could never fathom. And this was mine.
Cover Photo created by yours truly using Canva
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potentials. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where there’s nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
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