Choose a sentence to finish from the below list and write at least 300 words to complete it:
This weekend I decided that never again shall I...
This weekend I decided that never again shall I...be a people pleaser.
For those who are not familiar, a "people pleaser" is someone who finds it hard to say no to others, and sometimes it could be at the expense of their own needs.
When I was younger, I would like to think I was a people pleaser. I wasn't sure if it was because I just wanted to be kind or it was difficult for me to reject others' requests. Over time, as I got older, I realise it was not possible to please everyone in the world, especially when there were people who had no qualms about taking advantage of others' kindness.
After some time, I realised the concept of reciprocity made more sense and it enabled me to be more selective, in terms of dedicating my time and attention, and which groups of people to "ignore". Sometimes I would be labelled as selfish or self-centered, and that's okay, because sometimes these people were just upset that they lost someone to take advantage or bully. Ultimately, it's my family, my loved ones, my friends, who know what kind of person I am and they are the important people in my life.
In any case, a change of behaviour takes time and doesn't happen like a flick of a switch. The journey will always be a work-in-progress one and some of the concrete steps I have taken include:
- Having better control of my time and be more conscious of what activities I spend my time on
- Challenging myself to reject people (politely of course) if I felt that I wasn't the right person to do the task, or if I already had a busy schedule
- Not be afraid to disagree with people's viewpoints if I had a different view (even if this could make them unhappy)
Contrary to what some may think, the end result can be positive. While I might lose some "friends", I forged closer relationships with the people who mattered because I was able to spend more time with them. While some colleagues might feel unhappy that they didn't have someone to delegate their work to, having properly sized workloads meant I was able to give my best in each assignment and produce a much better output. And more importantly, my personal well-being and mental health benefited greatly.
Sometimes, you don't need the whole world to like you. You only need a handful of people to like or love you unconditionally, and that's more than enough.
So that's all for my sharing! Feel free to share with me your thoughts too! Thanks for reading and have a pleasant weekend ahead!