Hello Beautiful Hivers! Happy Sunday! To some, their Sunday was just about to start while here in our Country it's about to end. Monday is fast approaching and working days is waiting. Hope you enjoy your weekend with the fam!
Weekend is for Weekend-Engagement Concept as you all already know. It was initiated by 
When were you the most disappointed in yourself? Explain the situation, how you dealt with it and what outcomes were generated.
Previous Chat
"Ruffii, Ryza's here in Bansud. Let's go see each other and hangout and have a food trip somewhere."
"Oh, how about her work in Laguna?"
"According to her, she has a plan to look for a job here in our Province. So while she has time, let's go have a happy bonding. It's been a long time since we last saw each other. Specially you."
"Haha, gomen. Just busy about something.
"So? Let's go? This is our change. Jen is not here yet but the three of us can just go."
"OMG! That'll be fun. But, huehue can't right now. I'm really busy with othet stuffs. And I am not sure if I will say yes or nah. I really want to, thougjt! But my work (blogging) is just ಠ﹏ಠ."
"We can do it in the afternoon you know, like let say 4 or 5 p.m. Just an hour. I think that is enough time already to catch up. Come on Ruffii. I missed our food tripping."
What do you think I reply after her last chat to me? I said, "I will just chat when I have free time. I hope Ryza's still here if that happens." I feel bad after this to be honest but she still reply and said "I hope so too."
I gave her a lot of reason why I can't go and meet them but the main reason of it all is that I am too shy to even meet with them. I feel like, I haven't achieve anything yet and I am too shy to face them. While they already achieve a lot, experience different things and be who they want to be on that 6 years. Here I am still stuck on my own world. The world that I love because I can be whoever I want. And I am not sure if the time will come where I will leave this world.
To be honest, they are really not the kind of friend who will look down on anyone just because they doesn't attain anything yet in their life. I know them, they are a warm hearted person, ray of sunshine to anyone who doesn't care about the situation you're in. I am sure as hell that they will never laugh at me because this is just me. They will never judge me, instead they will lift me up and maybe even help me find a real day job. They are that kind, yes, yet I can't face them.
I am sad and disappointed to this decision and lame excuses. I think my pride is just in the way too. And also, my thinking is still immature and not fully bloomed yet. Those negativities and doubts is what's brought me to that decision. You know that thoughts that is making me doubt myself more. I am self sabotaging, and I can't seem to stop it. I know how to stop it but I still find comfort to it, so I just can't. I hate that I'm like this. I hate my low self confidence and I am really disappointed with myself.
I am afraid that the only real friend I have in the real world will leave me but I never really do anything so it will never happen. When will I start doing it? When everyone already forgot about me? I have to do something about it before I turn into into a stone different to others. Before they mistaken my reasons to being a snobber. I dont want that to happen. I don't want to lose them. I don't want to be left alone by the only friends I have that exist in my world.
I also regretted that decision I made before but it is already too late. I'm blaming myself because I didn't decide immediately. I just heard that Ryza already go back to Laguna where she first work. She has too because the minimum wage here in our province is too little for her, and to the she has family to take too. I just blow chance. Now O have to wait for more years before we can all meet again. How disappointing. I'm also frustrated with myself and with my decision in my life.
The outcome is not that good and dismaying but I will make sure that the next time they will invite me, no second thought - I will go with them. No lame excuses anymore and will just go with it. My social skills drop really low but, they are really not others to me. They were my friends that I am trying to shoo away by distancing myself from them. But I won't do that anymore. I only have a few and giving them importance is the best thing to do. They are my friends, my sister in different mother. That's what we are.
