For a long time, we are led to believe that a relationship is sustained by what can be seen from the outside: physical appearance, money, stability, or other people’s opinions. I believed that too. But life, when it truly tightens the pressure, teaches lessons that cannot be learned by reading or listening to advice from others.
My wife and I have been together for seven years, and they have not been easy years. We have gone through situations that many people would not endure. We were deceived and scammed; people we trusted failed us. Part of her own family opposed our relationship, judging us without knowing our story or our struggles.
There were moments when we didn’t even have a place of our own to sleep. We slept on the floor, in neighbors’ houses, grateful for whatever little we had. In the middle of those dark moments, a ray of light appeared when, with our cheerful nature, we managed to make each other smile and find small moments of joy.
We also experienced hunger, scarcity, and days when we didn’t know how to move forward. It’s not easy to say, but it’s the truth. In those moments, I understood that neither physical appearance, nor status, nor money can hold a relationship together when everything seems to be falling apart.
Physical attraction matters, yes, but it doesn’t stay with you when there is nothing to put on the table. It doesn’t hold you when fear shows up, nor does it give you the strength to get up the next day.
The ability to laugh together, even in the middle of difficulty, was often a lifeline. Not because the problems disappeared, but because laughter reminded us that we were still together, that we were not alone. I am grateful that on my side—family and friends—there was never negative judgment and there was always support for our relationship, unlike on my wife’s side, where the welcome was not easy.
And money, although important, was never what kept us standing. What sustained us was fidelity, respect, and the daily decision not to let go, even when there were reasons to give up. We also realized that when there is scarcity, discomfort, tension, and arguments increase, but that is when you need the strength and conviction to say, “This doesn’t end here.”
After everything we have lived through, I understood that what matters most in a relationship is not what it has, but what it chooses to be when everything is lacking. True love is not proven when there is abundance, but when there is scarcity.
And finally, what is most real is not what is shown on social media, but what happens in intimacy: a “I love you,” an “I’m proud of you,” or an “I need you” can make all the difference in a relationship.
What do you think? What has been the most important thing in your relationship when things have been difficult?