I have been working for my elderly neighbour, for just over two years now. She will turn 92 in a couple of months and I have noticed how her memory has begun to deteriorate quite noticeably of late. Just earlier this week, she had forgotten about her friend visiting her, just two days previously. Only I was there to see her, she would not have believed it. She made a joke of it, but I could see the worry in her eyes. She has always joked about how she would eventually go crazy. How that is just a part of getting old. Her balance has also been off of late as well.
It's sad to witness. I have grown very fond of her and I always enjoy our time together. She has so many stories to share of her travels, having travelled overland from Australia to England with her soon to be husband back in the 70's. She has also taught me so much about growing flowers and also how to create nutrient rich compost. She always has 4 compost piles on the go, where the organic matter is divided, so that there is always some available, when the garden needs it. She is an inspiration.
She has honoured me, by saying she sees herself in me.
So when I read this weeks Weekend-Engagement post, the question about losing your memory, really spoke to me. As I am witnessing it in real time. I have worked with the elderly in nursing homes, in the past,. I have sen how devastating it is for the family, how scary it is for those experiencing. It's heartbreaking at times and then at other times, it is often liberating for those experiencing it, as all the weight they carry slips away and they sit with no baggage, empty almost. How light they must feel, but how heartbreaking it is for us to witness, as they seem to lose, so many parts of who they are.
I have witnessed the fear when suddenly a person with dementia, does not know where they are . When that fear can turn to either sadness or anger. Both totally understandable, but not easy to witness or handle. Losing you memories, in the beginning, I imagine you mightn't even notice it. But as it creeps up, you suddenly become fearful. I certainly don't want to live in Fear. To be in a situation where I no longer recognise anyone. When I no longer remember the important milestones of my life, the things that shaped me.
I have so many wonderful memories from my travels, from the different countries I visited, the different cultures I experienced. The different landscapes, the wild places. The jungles, the deserts, the mountains, the plains. So many amazing experiences. The people I met a long the way, the connections, so many wonderful connections were made.
Then entering motherhood, being pregnant, birthing my girls. Those memories, those I want to hold onto forever. Memories that I like to think are etched in my bones. Laying eyes on each of my babies for the first time.
Getting to watch my girls grow up, to become their own person, full of life and so many passions. Being a mother is the most important thing that I can be, I really do believe that.
Losing those memories, those life changing memories would be the most painful,.
