@Cadawg and I wrote some bad software and we'll show you how we did it. You can find more info about it on the bottom of this post.
Step #1: Conduct Analysis
Make sure that theres no users for your project. Less users means less possibility of bugs being discovered. For this, we realized that the use cases were very limited and nobody cared. There's no need for this and so its the perfect thing to build.
Step #2: Don't Determine Requirements
If you don't know what exactly you are building, you can call it done whenever you'd like.
Step #3: Consider Industry Best Practices And Throw Them Out The Window
Create your own system, you know it best and so you'll do great with it.
Step #4: Don't Waste Time With Design
Faster you can start coding, the faster the project can get done. Code first, design later.
Step #5: Measuring and Tracking Progress
Remember step 2, if you don't set goals you can call it done whenever.
Step #6: Development
You better have gotten started coding yesterday. The more time and effort you spend on your code the better. Remember, more code is good.
Step #7: Addressing Automation
Automation is trash. Why spend 2 hours trying to set something up that you can do manually in like 5 minutes. It's not like you are going to work on this for long so why spend time on anything but code?
Step #8: Ignoring Testing
This is what users are for. Test straight on production. You can't find the bugs yourself so why waste time trying, let your users do it for you.
Step #9: Gradual Implementation Practices
Ha, like you are going to be working on updates to this. Just ignore this part.
If you want to read an actual post about what we built, read this post : @cadawg/foxswitch-link-a-novelty-internet-switch-controlled-by-you-yes-you. The basic idea is that you can go to https://foxswitch.link and use the switch on that site to change 
This is satire based off this article - https://www.projectsmart.co.uk/9-steps-to-a-hassle-free-and-effective-software-development-project.php