Good day to you all here on hive.
I remain this humble soul who is always ready to appreciate my existence on the surface, once we realize that staying alive is never by our power or might then we know that all we have to do in life is to thank God for his mercy and grace over us.
During my second year in university, there was a girl I crushed on so much with all my heart. It’s been a while since I liked someone but at times it becomes irresistible when you jam your type and spec. I am not sure if she was in a relationship whatsoever. But I just believe in what my eyes saw then and what my heart desired.
We were very numerous in our department so I never thought I would see her frequently but the funniest part of it was that a day won’t pass by without seeing her, whenever I don’t see her, I would feel incomplete. A lady that I never knew even before. I knew we might have passed each other several times and not recognized each other. But why now? She transformed into a view I must have sight of daily.
I felt more connected to her. But I knew this connection was just a one-way connection since I never expressed myself to her in person. I asked myself several times “is she also having the same thoughts as mine?” That can’t happen. I answered myself anytime the question pops.
With time, I summoned the courage to get closer to her and know more about her. I tried walking up to her to get more information about her but the shy 🙈 version of me never gave me a chance. I sat closer to her, but instead of me expressing my feelings to her I rather went to her to lend her lecture notes. I don’t need them. 😂
She asked how it would get back to her, then I requested if she could give me her mobile number. I got her number, I achieved something 😂. That was pretty 😍. That same day I returned her notes. Now I am left with the pain of not expressing my feelings.
A few days later, my heart won’t settle and it still bothers me a lot. I got to her dm to thank her for the notes and also tried getting to know her better. The chat went on for a long time and I was so happy to engage with her. She might not feel the same way though.
Now I think I began to get her attention gradually, we started greeting each other in class and we had a few conversations. Nothing about feelings yet, but deep inside of me I am burning. I am burning deep down. 😂.
There was a day I tried summoning the courage of expressing myself and I knew I am ready to face the consequences. It’s either it costs our friendship to end or we become best buddies. I told her how I felt about her and appreciated her beauty and all. She acknowledged and thanked me for my words. 😆. No reciprocated feeling. I felt bad but I thought I was going to get her heart over time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
A year of calling and texting. I don’t know what went wrong, she began changing toward me. She never accepted me though but I am still trying to gain her heart as a man 😆. I suffered a lot. I am always the one texting her first and initiating a conversation.
There was a day when I kept asking myself “when would this anticipation be over? I am having pains but she never felt them. I wondered why I have always been the one calling her, she never called me once. I also read through our chats and realized I have been the one texting her first. Many times she takes days to reply and I am still always anticipating her response. I thought about how parasitic I must have been to her.
I think it’s time I get my lay hands off her. It’s time I get to know what’s best in my life. I thought about it one day and then tried to get her off my mind. It was painful but it was a sacrifice I had to make. I deleted everything about her and never gave her any attention like before. She felt nothing 😂. But I am happy that my anticipated suffering and worries about her were finally over.
We are both out of school now and I think she would be married by now.. she moved on with her life as usual without my disturbance, and I moved on with mine without having her in my life. Life goes on…
Thanks so much for your time and support.
