It's a good story which truly shows the good old days.
I think I have some tips which you need to follow. Normally, theinkwell community has guidelines and rules.

In the case of dialogue, you need to use quotation marks to show any conversation being made.
Eg "Yemi, why can't you play with me?" Bisi said to Yemi.

Please, try to follow the tips and you will enjoy your stay here.
The write-up was supposed to be 750-1500 words, but yours was just 500+ words.

And learn how to source your image.