My Secret Paintings
There is always something difficult for me. Acquiring a new skill. I have always wanted to paint since I was a little boy, but I could never develop my skills. I didn't know what to do. How to improve myself and how to succeed.
But I decided to try it anyway, a few years ago. I was living with my family. My cousin was studying at the faculty of fine arts. She is a very talented girl. She knew I wanted to paint, but she also realized that I couldn't learn.
My cousin knew this too. She wanted to help me.
Painting was very difficult for me, no matter how hard I tried. I could express things in my head more easily with words. Writing stories was relatively easy for me, but painting was very difficult. It was as if it was impossible to reflect what I wanted on canvas. But it was easier to put the story I wanted to tell on paper.
One day she told me about painting with pouring. I reluctantly agreed and thought it wouldn't hurt to try. My cousin came with a lot of paint on our tiled balcony. We were going to do it on the balcony because she said the paints would run, drip and make a mess. I was thinking about how this would happen
I hadn't researched it to be honest.
It was an incredible adventure for me. I didn't expect to enjoy it so much.
Mixing the paints, getting new colors and having it in an active liquid form. Directing the paint and watching chaos give it power.
It was like fighting with the air and the canvas itself, which resisted it with its fluidity. Even with other paints, it was like a conflict, it was chaos. But it didn't take long to realize that it all had a purpose.
Beauty was born out of chaos. This was not a rush. I guess that was the most beautiful thing. It was calm but joyful.
From that day on I decided to start painting too. Pouring style acrylic paintings. I think I've done 20+ of them. Only three are still alive.
The others I burned, scraped or threw away as a secret, because I couldn't get other people to like the colors I used.
Yes, I tried to sell my paintings.
This is not a difficult process. But it is very difficult to make a painting that looks beautiful and has a meaning.
Each painting can mean different things to different people.
Each painting can look beautiful in a different place.
Modern art is not something that everyone likes.
I went to the big luxury buildings and asked them to put these pictures on the walls of their entrance receptions. They refused. I went to some companies and offered them, they didn't like it.
I went to stores selling carpets-furnutire and told them it would add color, they said they would get back to me later... I didn't ask for a high price. I can even say that I only want the money I spent on materials and travel.
After I started selling, I was going to tell my family, I was going to tell my cousin, but when no one bought it...
I even have a painting in my fiancé's room right now. I have gifted similar paintings to some of my friends. But why is this my secret? Because I tried to turn my hobby into a business but I failed. People didn't want to buy it. The places I showed it to turned up their noses. I got discouraged and demoralized.
Then I destroyed all my paintings.
I only have three left. I also have a guitar that I painted. One of the paintings is with my fiancé. One of them is with a close friend. And one is in my house.
I don't know if I will return to this hobby, but it seems a bit difficult since I kept it a secret, I mean at least I kept secret the fact that I tried to sell it and failed and was very embarrassed, for 2 years... I destroyed the paintings I made with extreme pleasure and because I felt that people looked down on me / my art. I now prefer 3d mini painting instead. At least it is combined with my other hobby.
Thank you very much for reading.
This blog is written for Creative Nonfiction in The Ink Well: Prompt #27