Hello everyone, your welcome to my blog today
I am not crazy but I guess there was a time I wondered if everyone else was right about me being crazy, and then it started on the faithful day not dramatically but it just came when i stepped out of a relationship that looked stable to everyone while indeed it was not stable at all on the inside and it was taking a toll on me. Kingston was indeed kind and loving and he was accepted by our families.
This is my entry for the inkwell weekly prompt and the topic is (I AM NOT CRAZY) when I told people it was over between us they found it hard to believe and most of them asked are you crazy why would you leave such a man. I tried to explain that I wasn’t seen around him ,that I always feel like am invisible when am around him. And everyone looked at me like I didn’t know what I was saying and I wasn’t making sense. The truth is that at some point I felt like i was shrinking beside the man I once loved.
Breaking the news to my family was another drama on its own as my mom was not having any of it, the first thing she asked was Sandra are you sure you are okay? What exactly happened? Her came in loud over the phone , and she said don’t you know building a relationship requires a lot of work and you just leave because you have a feeling. She insisted that I go back and apologize to Kingston what ever I might have told him.
But that same week we were having a family thanksgiving and I was trying to avoid it by all means because I wasn’t ready for all the questions that would come with the breakup between me and Kingston. And mom went crazy again screaming my name out on the phone because I just wanted to be left alone to reflect on my choices and know what I want for myself. I knew that the questions would be exhausting.
So when mom told my younger sister Ada that I wasn’t coming again for the thanksgiving that year , she said with a laughing emoji ‘you are clearly becoming a stranger in this family’ and that got me staring at my screen longer than expected, giving it a deep thought it was actually true i was slowly turning into a stranger within my family. Still in my little room trying hid away from the breakup I just had and then I receive a birthday invite from my friend Amira that she was hosting her 25th birthday and as the message popped up on my email I didn’t even bother replying I just left it unread and continued with a pdf I was reading on my phone.
I had a professional exam coming up in school as a final year student in nursing , but Amira kept calling me and I just had to answer her calls and she tried so much to convince me to come but I said no over and over again. I knew that I had exam and classes that I feel like I imposed on my but it is necessary for my future and it looked like choosing a future I didn’t understand. My friend Noble even joked about it one day when he told me I was behaving like an old woman who took life too seriously without wanting to have a proper social life. When Kingston and I were still together I never felt the need to have a social because he always made me feel unseen and that left me drowing in books and fading into the background.
Mara an elderly woman who worked at a cybercafe shop where I did most of my school printing work called out to me as I was about leaving her shop that day and she said to me “people always panic when you stop acting in a certain way that they are used too so always be yourself at all times. And I couldn’t help but ask her so you don’t think am crazy right, and she said no my dear you are just becoming more matured.
So that night I sat alone in my room and spoke to myself and I said , Sandra you are not crazy for choosing peace over drama , it is normal to outgrow people, you are not depressed or broken for wanting to be alone. Always bear it in mind that when people judge you for being crazy or acting abnormal they are trying to tell you they have lost the version of you that made them feel comfortable. Always that you are not crazy but you are on a path of growth and it is an honest start in life.
Thank you for stopping by my blog today.