Cold, dry day in the streets of Ukraine. Along my path I stumble upon an ancient lamp. It was hilarious. How the hell did an Arabic lamp full of magic land in deep snow? What is it doing in such a bustling city? And why did I find it before all these sniffing dogs?
Meh, I guess that is what magic is. Completely illogical.
Rub-a-dub-lub, rub that lamp till it looses color. Out came a Genie. Instead of the typical blue balloonish genie that I am used to, its a rather heart wrenching sight. The lamp spews hot flames as I drop the scalding hot lamp on the fluffy snow. The sky is now filled in bright yellow, as if a crate of flares were all sent out together.
It is almost like the Mexican filter hollywood uses, everything is yellow and bright. The snow around melts into water. The jacket I am wearing seems a bit useless now. "Jee. That shrooms must be hitting hard. Why else would a 4 inch stupid lamp be breathing fires!"
In the most eerie voice, one that makes a cat's hair stand, I hear a few words..."Aren't you afraid, human? Why do you still stand?"
It must be the genie! ....Wait, it could be the shrooms. Why else would an Arabic genie be speaking English in Ukraine?
"Come again?"
"Aren't you afraid, Suka? Why do you still stand, Blyat?"
Those words convinced me. It had to be a real genie.
"Its 2020. And I am wearing a mask. You aren't the scariest thing this year. Plus the mask protects me from the scariest thing we've witnessed."
"Touche Blyat, touche."
At this moment I realize the genie was only visible to me. No one else could see it. I also realized I was the only one in a -5 degree celcius street with no jacket on, a puddle of melted snow under me and talking to the sky. The people around me took longer routes just to avoid crossing paths with me. But in typical Ukrainian fashion, no one gave a rat's bottocks.
I tell myself this was already in the present. It was better to go with it than walk off. Who except mentally unstable hobos walk off after they do all of this? You gotta stand your ground, Blind! You are no con! You believe in your actions! A sane person doesn't spread the madness. They create and end it at the same spot.
"Alright, fireball. Do I get 3 wishes or not?"
"Everything about genie culture is so fabricated. Except that! You get to make 3 wishes, I fulfil them for a heavy cost."
"Cost!? Why do you need to tax wishes? You are a burning soul sticking out of a glorified flamethrower! Why the hell would you need to take anything in return?!"
"The cost isn't materialistic. Your wishes will come true and I will get my fill. The feeling when you realize your bubble has burst, and your mind is at the verge of breaking- I feed on that feeling, it strengthens me."
"A tea cup that can't even pour tea has a fetish. Wow. You grant me wishes and get pleasure out of it. Are you sure you aren't one of those creepy fat and old sugar daddies?"
"What?!"
"What?"
I had my plate full. I had to commit. It was too late to go back. My neighbors think I'm crazy. Its the only way I'll know if its a real genie or just shrooms. Worst case scenario I do not lose anything, not like the price is materialistic. What is he gonna want except a few more rubs? Plus, this is the longest conversation I have ever had. I have spent more than 3 minutes talking to this genie, we are practically dating. I gotta commit.
My suspicion only grew larger, and so did my curiosity. From a young age I wondered why was genie trapped and why was he blue. Well, one part was clear now. I still needed to know how genies were trapped, and so I asked.
"In our world we aren't allowed to mingle with humans. However, we too have desires. I desired a red gem, the lapiz lazuli. Its an Egyptian gem that tastes delicious. In my quest to feed on them, I had broken our first rule and mingled with humans. The punishment is what you see in front of you. Trapped in a lamp, enslaved to humans with no dignity."
It was sad. Gluttony got the best of this fool. Obesity is a real problem in our society, who knew it was in the genie's society too.
"But slaves work for free. Why are you charging to fulfil my wishes?"
"Did you just assume something about my slave culture. You better take that back or you will be cancelled with a hashtag on twitter."
This genie was beating expectations. He was very in touch with modern times.
"My first wish is to go back in 2014, with the money and knowledge I have today." It has to be everyone's wish, by now. Come 2020, with all the profits I'd make in BTC, I'd be sitting in a fancy lemur skin sofa with personal financers doing trades for me.
The genie almost laughed all the gas out of him. FOMO was real, and he could feel every inch of FOMO is my bones.
The sky turned purple and back to yellow. There was a cool breeze that lasted for just under a second. My ear flinched and my phone started beeping. My telegram was being bombarded with "Hi Sir" messages from accounts where the faces and names didn't match. My twitter was blown up with receiving addresses. My intestines were filled up with more shill than shit. I had a strong urge to scream "Bticoin is real!! Out with the government!! Fiat is useless!!" continuously. I had a gold watch, skinny jeans and a fur jacket. Looks like the douche in me never changed, but my wallet did.
I couldn't believe it. This was for real. My wish had come true. What else could I want? I had so many options. And I knew each one would come true.
"My second wish is x games. I love extreme sports and want to try each and every one of them." It was, indeed, one of my strongest wishes growing up in a hot country. I wanted to travel to the colder world and indulge in the most demanding sports. Filled with adrenaline and challenge. There was nothing I wanted more than putting my life at risk while doing senseless tricks on crazy shaped objects on cold snow.
Without a word the sky once again turned purple and back to yellow. I looked around hastily to see what x game was I about to play. I looked and found nothing. I was still standing on a puddle of melted snow, no jacket, in front of a burning genie with a constantly buzzing phone.
I did realize I had a broken rib, which made it tougher to breathe. My left arm felt weaker, as it had a fracture. I couldn't see through my left eye and I had a limp in my walk. My urge to do monkey flips in the snow was growing larger and larger. I had a moment of epiphany.
The genie was either a con. Or he sells feelings rather than wishes. Maybe he fulfills the wishes in the past, and we live in the present. Or maybe, this is all not real...its just the shrooms.
I knew what I felt in my body was real. I had the limp and the pain. My mind can recall experiences. My phone was indeed buzzing. And my urge to topple fiat was stronger than ever. But, I couldn't get over the need to know more.
I had one last wish left. Either I could let it bring me something unattainable, or I could use it for something stupid. It was a dilemma at the level of paradoxes. I already knew what I was going to do. Yet, I put up a bifurcating path in front of me. Almost as an illusion of choice.
I look up at the genie. "My last wish is to know the truth."
"Your wish is my command. After I have fulfilled it, I will be gone with what is mine."
I had no idea what this gigantic b52 was talking about. But I need to do what was needed. "My wish is to know if you are real or is this is all just the work of my shrooms."
The genie hovered close to my face. The smell of my beard burning in his flames clogged my nose. I could feel the wind blowing on the skin of my eyebrows. The flames of the genie disintegrated every last hair on my body. He slowly manifested an arm in his body and placed it on my shoulder...."It's the shrooms."
He vanished the next very second. So did the lamp. I tilted my head and saw a pointy hand branded into the skin of my left shoulder. I tried to touch it, but the straight jacket kept me from doing so. I screamed till my throat bled. My bubble wasn't intact, anymore.
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