"It ate everything?" My mom asked incredulously looking at the state of the kitchen.
"Actually, not everything, but it's all a mess," I replied using my eyes to take stock of the items strewn all over the place.
"Is there anything we can salvage?" She asked even though it was obvious nothing could be salvaged.
"No, mama. If the kitchen itself was detachable, I would have suggested we throw it away."
"The guests are due to arrive in an hour, what to do?" She moaned helplessly.
I only stepped out of the kitchen for five minutes to collect a delivery from the dispatch rider. Five minutes was all it took for my brother's dog, Jane, a Boerboel to enter the kitchen and wreak havoc.
By the time I came back to the kitchen, the three warmers containing food for 50 guests had been overturned on the floor and their handles chewed off in pieces. The salad dressing I had on the counter was on the floor, the plates broken and its contents scattered all over the place. The pot of stew containing assorted meat that I set on the floor to cool had its contents splashed on the floor, wall, and the kitchen cabinet.
I spent all night cooking and putting things together for our family's Christmas party which featured family and some close friends every year. I can handle it, I boasted, and believe me, I did handle it until Jane ruined everything.
"Did it get to the contents of the fridge too?" My mother asked upon further inspection of the kitchen mess. The fridge was in a corner of the kitchen, a bit distant from the cooking area, and I hadn't gotten around to looking at it.
I went to join her and didn't realize when my mouth opened involuntarily,all the plastic drinks in the fridge had been bitten off at different angles, some bottom, some side, some top and some ripped apart and the contents left flowing on the floor. You could have sworn a kid was experimenting with watercolors on the floor, it was almost like a rainbow settled down there. There were different colors of drinks, soft drinks, cranberries, and bottled waters."
"Watch your step, don't let the bottles cut you."
Oh, yes! There were bottled drinks in the fridge too, and none of them was spared in the destruction, the liquors, Irish cream, and beers. The bottles were all broken of course and the shards scattered about the floor.
Turning to my mother, "I'm sorry, I only stepped out for a few minutes."
"It's not your fault, it could have happened to anyone."
"When I lay my hands on that dog, it's going to be sorry."
"Oh really? You sure you wouldn't run and pee in your pants?"
Despite the situation, a smile tugged at the corner of my lips.
Everyone in my family knew I was scared of dogs, especially the big, intimidating ones and Jane was nothing short of intimidating. Full disclosure, I did meet Jane in the kitchen when I came back, but I fled as soon as she came bouncing toward me. You can't blame me, this dog is the reason why I don't visit my Bro's place.
It chased me once when I went to his house unannounced. I had just traveled back into the town and wanted to surprise him. I didn't know he had gotten a dog, that little information never came up in our many conversations.
I had been contemplating how to trick him to get him to come outside the gate without giving myself up. I reached the gate, and fortunately, saw the gate open. My brother was going out obviously and wanted to take his car out which was why his gate was left open. I smiled and waltzed in like I owned the place.
I was halfway into the compound when I heard panting behind me. I turned and saw Jane running toward me, her mouth wide open, heavy saliva dripping from the sides of her mouth, her molars otherwise called crushers bared open, and her body poised like it was staging for an attack, no, scratch that, it was ready to attack. I stood there frozen and looked at it fearfully. It looked right back, settled on its hind legs, and barked several times, waiting to see what I would do.
I wouldn't even ask you to guess, I'm sure you know what I did next, I ran like my life depended on it, and in that moment even if Jane didn't mean to kill me, my life depended on it. I might have died of a heart attack if things had taken a different turn.
I cried and wailed and cried to God and everyone I knew when it bounded right after me. I felt myself peeing, it was a reflex action at that point and I couldn't control it. I asked for forgiveness of my sins right before I fainted from exhaustion, and believe me cause I'm not lying, I saw an angel in pure white beckoning me with a huge smile and I knew my sins had been forgiven. I could die and go to heaven now.
That was what marked the beginning of my distant relationship with Jane. The rest of the family adores her, but not me. I keep seeing a vision of heaven whenever she crushes bones during our family gatherings.
She on her part always knew to steer clear off my path, I think she sensed how I felt about her and she respected my privacy until now. She has ruined everything for me and it's a second strike against her.
"Mum, this is not the time for you to refer to that incident. What are we going to do now?"
"I think we should order food." My sister, Sayo proposed when the question was tabled to the rest of the family.
"What sort of restaurant would deliver an order of food for 50 people in less than an hour? We didn't order ahead, remember? We also need to factor in traffic and other elements in play." Dare my very intelligent cousin countered.
"Sola, what do you suggest we do? it's your dog that ruined everything after all." My mother asked, facing my brother with Jane's leash in hand.
Jane sat with us on the floor in the living room, staring down in shame, it looked remorseful and even I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I mean who could stay angry at her with such big, pitiful, cute eyes? I looked at her closely and conceded within myself that she was beautiful when she didn't have her mouth open.
"I'm sincerely sorry, everyone. If there was a way I could make it up to you all, I promise I will."
"The deed has been done. I'm sure she must have thought she was having harmless fun."
"Where is my sister and what have you done with her?" My elder sister asked in disbelief. "I never thought I would see the day when you would speak in Jane's defense."
"Oh please, let's focus on the issue at hand," I said smiling.
Everyone proffered solutions, but none of them was realistic or practical within the time frame we had.
"Why don't we just send a broadcast message to everyone that our Christmas party this year has been canceled?" One of my nephews asked.
"Some people might have set out, you know?" My aunty pointed out.
"We'll simply apologize and send them on their way. it's not like something like this has ever happened before."
"If we are being realistic, I support Dare's idea. I'm not even sure a magician could pull up magic to make things well in, what?" he checked his wristwatch. "less than twenty minutes." My uncle stated matter of fact.
After a few more minutes of back and forth, we all agreed to go out and party outside the house for a change. The broadcast message was sent to friends and well-wishers and we went off on our way.
We went to an eatery to eat first, next, we went to the zoo as per the children's request, we visited the palace and paid homage to the king as custom dictates.
We headed to the mall next where the kids played games, and the adults joined in too.
We dropped my mum at home with the kids, and the adults headed off to the club. We took so many shots, I almost lost my vision, we danced, drank, and partied all through the night. All is well that ends well.
Wait! Don't leave yet! I almost forgot, I was finally able to summon the courage to move closer to Jane at the park and pat her head. She likes me now, my brother reassured me. I'm going to take our relationship one step at a time though, to avoid stories that touch.