I’m not a bad person, I just happen to have several bad experiences. So many times, I’ve faced an information that makes me go in search for more. For example, when I first came across the clinical term, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). From there, I grew more curious on the types of mental illnesses and though I got bored soon enough, I still consumed as much as I could.
However, there are times when I wish there are things I didn’t know. Remember, I’m not a bad person. I just happened to meet the wrong person at the very wrong time.
I faced my first true internal battle on ask or don’t ask in 2021, when I met someone who I thought was the one. Thinking back on it, I was still very much naive.
I was sitting on the three sitter chair in the store when he walked in. So tall. I didn’t see him come in because I was on my phone but I guessed he had to bend a little to pass through the door - he confirmed my thoughts later when he left.
Dark skinned with an oval face and a light stubble, a shirt folded to his forearms - veiny arms might I add - and his cute baseball hat. He had full lips and laugh lines around his eyes. I concluded he must smile a lot. Right on queue, he smiled down at where I was sitting, revealing rows of whites not so perfectly aligned. I actually forgot to breathe a second.
“Hello”
That was when I quickly got to my feet. If my skin color permitted it, I would be red all the way down to my toes. His voice wasn’t the low treble that had women (like me) quaking in their boots but it was husky and lazy enough to make several indecent scenarios flash through my mind.
I collected myself and asked him how I could help him. After a few back and forth - plus some extra invisible red coloring on my face - I packaged his drinks and he was on his way. I sincerely thought that was the first and last time I’d see him. I was in a way wistful and longed he’d come back.
He did several days later and unlike the first time, he wasn’t in a hurry to leave. He sat and we got talking. It was just enough to keep my hopes up. Maybe I finally found someone I really - truly - like.
It went on for days and soon, he got to know of my birthday. May 15th 2021, I had received a gift box from my boss and a few other things from others as well. Wishes, Airtime and even money. Mystery Guy (I rather keep his name anonymous) called me and asked me to send my account number to which I did and he was generous. Then he showed up to get wine.
My friends - two of them - were with me, all relaxed and watching with careful detail my interaction with this man. I knew they’d hound me later but I didn’t care. He went to the fridge to get something and I almost laughed at how much he had to bend to really look in the fridge when my eyes caught something that made my whole blood run cold. His left hand. There was a wedding band on his left hand!
Or was it just a normal ring? Men do that. Looking at it closely, it didn’t really look like a wedding ring but what if I was just feeding my mind with lies? The only way to know was to ask him but how do I go about that without giving out the fact that I was interested in him?
He came back, a can of malt in one hand and a boyish smile on his face, but I couldn’t return it. I tried and failed miserably. The conversation heightened between he and my friends turning into an intense discussion but my mind was far away all the while my eyes kept going back to his left hand. How did I miss it? I could swear he wasn’t wearing it during any of the times we spoke. I might have been engrossed and carried away with his guile and charisma but I would have never missed a wedding band.
I withdrew unconsciously and he noticed. He would ask me what was wrong during our conversations at night (which I began to limit) and I would always say the same thing; nothing. But the question was burning deeply in my heart, always on the tip of my tongue but never made it out. I will admit that I was scared of his answer and the stupid me thought I could drag this ignorance on for sometime.
But then it got worse, since he’d keep coming over and initiating conversations which I would willingly be a part of. So on my day off, when we were supposed to meet just the two of us, I asked him over the phone,
“Are you married?”
It took me a lot to actually get out the question, awkward and stretching my muscles taut in preparation for the answer - which I already did. There was a beat of silence and then a light chuckle,
“Yes. I am. Why? We can still be friends. Hang out.”
My eyes were tightly shut as he spoke because I knew that wouldn’t happen. We can’t be just friends. It’s never been heard of. A guy like that just friends with a young woman? No. I knew it would be a disaster and it was one I was willing to avoid at all cost.
“I don’t think we can ever be friends. The store is always open if you need to restock. Say hello to your wife.”
With that, I ended the call but not the ache I felt inside. He never returned to buy anything and we never spoke again.
