I knew I was in love with Diane the moment I laid eyes on her. Her smile could light up a room, and her laughter was music to my ears. I was smitten, and I couldn't help but shower her with attention and affection. Little did I know, my love for her would soon turn into an unrequited obsession.
One day, Diane's demeanor towards me changed. She started acting distant, cold, and nonchalant. I'd call her, and she'd pick up, but our conversations would be short and superficial. She'd tell me to leave her alone, that she needed space and time to think. I'd oblige, but my mind would be racing with thoughts of her.
"Why is she pushing me away?" I'd wonder. "What did I do wrong?"
Despite her cold behavior, I couldn't help but check on her. I'd call her, send her messages, and show up at her doorstep, hoping to catch a glimpse of her smile. Diane would scold me, telling me to stop bothering her, that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
"You're suffocating me!" she'd scream. "Can't you just leave me alone?"
But I couldn't. I was addicted to her presence, her laughter, and her love. I'd endure her maltreatment, her threats to block me, and her advice to look for another girl. I'd listen to her, nodding along, but deep down, I knew I wouldn't give up.
Diane would say things like, "We're not compatible, we're not meant to be." But I'd just smile, telling her that I loved her, that I'd do anything to make our relationship work. She'd roll her eyes, call me names, and tell me to stop being so clingy but I wouldn't stop. I'd show up at her Dm. Diane would be so furious, but I'd just smile, hoping that one day she'd see how much I loved her.
As the days turned into weeks, Diane’s behavior towards me became increasingly erratic. She'd alternate between being cold and distant, and moments of tenderness and affection. I'd latch in those moments, holding on to them like a lifeline.
“Maybe she's coming around," I'd think. "Maybe she still loves me."
But those moments would be short-lived. Diane would soon revert to her cold, distant self, leaving me wondering what I'd done wrong.
Despite the pain and heartache, I couldn't help but love her more. I'd tell myself that I'd prove my love to her, that I'd show her that I was the only one who truly cared.
As I look back on our tumultuous relationship, I realize that I was trapped in a cycle of obsession and heartache. But at the time, I couldn't see it. All I knew was that I loved Diane, and I'd do anything to make her love me back.
I know she's going through a lot and I believe she'll be fine; or is this my stupid heart making yet another excuse for her?
My sweet little pumpkin
I wish she could just be the woman I want for me.
Thanks for reading
Image is mine