I sat down on my heap of textbooks, overwhelmed with stress from the numerous assignments and unfinished class work given by my strict lecturers. My room was a mess, surrounded by textbooks and exercise books. My laptop screen was split between a marketing project and a YouTube video on humanity theory—distraction was actually my default right now.
I tapped my ballpoint pen on my lap, trying to stay focused on my Business Administration and Management assignment, which includes numerous graphs, complicated numbers and case studies. As if that were not enough, I also had to do the psychology assignment and oral assessment of my fellow students since I was the class governor at the time—all of which were very important and urgent as well. But my art instructor never left my side; I had a half-finished piece I had been working on that got me all mixed up in the first place.
Just a few meters across the room, my phone buzzed.
"Party tonight. You coming? Everyone will be there." Grace said with so much enthusiasm.
I sighed. It was always something—endless parties, numerous hangouts, and very exotic road trips with the "crew." Grace, Obinna, David, Joy and Adaeze were absolute fun, no doubt, full of life and energy. However, they were my greatest distractions. They were the part of the reason everything in my life felt so mixed up
I replied, "Not really because I actually have work to do"
In few seconds later, she texted back,
"Girl, you are always busy doing stuff ; Live a little."
I gazed at my phone screen and kept staring at it, really conflicted.
"Okay, guys," I texted reluctantly.
"Do not even try to ghost the crew, okay?" Grace replied promptly and Immediately turned it into a call.
"You are definitely going to thank me later," I assure you," She added persuasively.
"Don't keep us waiting... "Obinna said playfully enough for me to hear his voice in the background while I was still speaking with Grace.
"See you soon, girl." The crew shouted.
I dropped my assignments and dressed up for the party.
"Maybe I really needed this time out; just maybe I needed this little fun and distractions" I thought to myself.
A year ago, things felt clearer.
Grace and I gained admission to the university, bright-eyed and filled with determination and zeal to study Business and later psychology. We both wanted to run our own individual companies someday, probably one that helped people. Maybe a center for wellness (general well-being, overall happiness, and balance)? Or perhaps a creative studio ( to help children and adults express their inner feelings to find peace through art and music). We weren't quite sure yet, but it felt good to have a plan.
However, things started drifting when we fell in with Obinna and his crew. At first, it was kind of elusive and understated—missing a study group for a concert, turning in an assignment late, and most times missing assignments, and classes after a road trip. They weren't bad people. Just chaotic.
"You are too uptight," Joy said one time during a rooftop gathering.
Grace added, "You do not actually need to have it all figured out. It's absolutely boring."
"Loosen up a little, girl, and just enjoy the good life," David chuckled as he cheered up with the crew, the glass of juice in his hands.
Adaeze walked towards me, threw an arm around my neck, and whispered, "You good?"
"I guess maybe I am, and maybe I like to keep it figured out. I kind of like planning,"
I said gibberishly.
"Plans do change, babe," Obinna chimed in while strumming a guitar. He continued, "Life's a pure vibe. You have to feel it, live it, not manage it."
"Hmmm!" Is what I could actually say as they all stared at me as if they were expecting me to say something that they actually and really wanted to hear.
Months past, I began to slip classes and assignments.
My art instructor noticed first. "Your sketches are rushed. That unique touch you are known for is missing. What's up with you these days?"
I didn't have a reasonable answer to give, so I kept silent.
Next, it was my psychology professor. He emailed me after I bombed a test; he knew I could actually answer them with my eyes closed. "You are capable of more. Let's talk."
As usual, I Ignored it.
At home, my immediate older brother called during a very quiet evening.
"Sis, you don't bug me and call like you usually do. Are you feeling well?"
"I am well, just kinda busy," I lied.
One night, after yet another stressful party, I sat alone in my hostel room. I can still hear the faint music echoing from Grace's room down the hall. Immediately, my phone buzzed.
"Come chill with us. We are playing Truth or Dare. Everyone is here except you"
I just read the text message and didn't respond.
I quickly turned to my reading area, where my textbooks were actually gathering dust on the desk, together with my unfinished artwork— twisted and bare.
My heart raced. Everything was out of order.
I said frankly to myself, "I am all over the place."
Frankly speaking, It was not all about mixing up with the wrong crowd. It was definitely about losing myself—my drive, my clarity and my purpose in life.
The next morning, I decided to get back up so I made a frank choice.
I delibrately skipped brunch with the crew, switched off my phone, and for the first time in a week, I actually walked into the campus library to read and meditate again.
My favorite spot, close to the window, was empty. I took a deep breath as I sat down slowly, and without wasting time, I pulled out my Business Administration textbook and began to read. Initially, my mind wandered to what the crew would be doing now, but gradually I got my focus back, then the numbers started to make sense again.
After two hours, I shifted to psychology—I read about personal motivation and the science behind humanity and their basic behaviors. Then something clicked.
"We usually chase after distractions to avoid discomfort," the textbook reads. At that moment, it hit me because I have been chasing... everything and actually running from the fear that I was not good enough.
That evening, I left the library feeling motivated and fulfilled.
At home, I dusted off my unfinished artwork and completed the sketches. Another kind of happiness filled my stomach completely.
"You have been ghosting us lately," Grace said, grimacing.
"I have not," I replied. "Just focusing."
Joy scoffed and looked away. "Lame."
Obinna looked at me, serious. "You good?"
Honestly, this time, I giggled, " I am getting there."
I joined them a few times, but on my terms. No more missed classes. No more missed assignment and class tasks. Most especially, no more drifting into Mixed ups. I was determined to read and pick up from where I left off. I was also committed to meeting my educational targets.
Reading smartly and achieving good grades were my priority right now.
One early morning, on my way, hurrying and rushing for an early class, I bumped into my psychology professor. After apologizing to him, he grinned at me, "very recently, I have noticed a positive shift in you; you found your direction, huh?"
I nodded. "I got mixed up for a while. But I'm back, sir."
