I looked on, as bodies moved to the beat of the music blast. If you were observant, you would notice that it wasn't really my scene and you'd probably wonder why I was there at all. Not that it's any of your business, but mine is a story of pain and happiness.
You'd still wonder how a story can be of both emotions, but then you leave the storytelling to me and I'll leave the wondering to you.
I know what you're thinking right now, you're wondering what's so special about this one. Trust me it is special, at least to me.
I'd just arrived the country a few days prior, and my friends decided since it had been a while they saw me, we definitely had to go balling. Clubs weren't my scene, but I knew they wouldn't let the matter go so I agreed to tag along. My long absence was just an excuse to go party and they would've dragged me there if they had to.
It was at the club I met her and as coincidences go, our meeting was purely accidental. We'd been at the club for about two hours and try as they could, my friends couldn't get me to come on the dance floor. I sat down in our designated area when something came crashing down literally beside me. Startled, I jumped up and only then realized that the something was a young lady and the source of the commotion was a young man.
It took all of a second before I jumped in like a superhero ready to save the day. With the help of my friends, we were able to get the lady off whom I later discovered to be her ex-boyfriend. It took a bit of threats and the intervention of security before the so called ex-boyfriend finally left. It was only then I properly looked at the young lady and realized she was the most striking lady I'd ever laid my eyes on.
Describing Emily would be futile because comparison wouldn't do her justice. You're wondering again whether it's not just a figment of my imagination or perhaps some form of exaggeration. Love is a puzzling creature, and I'm not about to analyze it's intricacies. She was striking to me, and that was all that mattered. I got her name and contact, and being a gentleman I ordered her a cab to get home.
A few weeks, few dates and many sleepless nights later, and I knew Emily was the one for me. I felt I knew everything about her already and there was no need to wait any longer. I popped the question of whether she would be my girlfriend and surprisingly she said NO.
Devastating as it was, I thought perhaps she was still healing from a toxic relationship and wouldn't want to jump into one so early, and so I waited. I was content with simply being in her life.
Emily was fun to be with. She didn't need to do too much, she just enjoyed the moment as it came. I don't think I ever saw her without a smile, except perhaps in those small moments when I'd catch a glimpse of worry on her face and the next second it was gone. Back then, I thought I was imagining things, but now I know better.
She was good but equally cruel. Not cruel in the ways that you'd think, but good in more than many ways you'd think. At least I thought she was good for me, even though my friends thought otherwise. They felt she was hiding things and girls with big and ugly life secrets would be very bad for me. They were closer to the truth than they could ever imagine.
We'd been close friends for about a few months when I popped the dating question again and surprisingly this time around she again said NO. The problem wasn't me, the problem was from her. At least that's what she said even though I struggled to understand at the time.
I tried to stay away from her, perhaps distance would let me forget her. It was like staying underwater, after awhile breathing became hard without oxygen. I would ask "Emily what exactly is the problem"
"Nothing" would be the response. After which she would grow distant and cold. I'd come to understand that asking questions did no good and even though I was dying inside, I knew not to ask anymore. She was the music that played when the chords to my life were strung. I was stuck on a fence and didn't know which side to land on.
It took a long while before I finally got an answer to my question and I almost wished I didn't. "Can you please tell me what the problem is" I asked again, tensed I would get the same non response.
This time, the words "I'm Dying, Liam" hit me like an avalanche. It wasn't the response I was ready for and I realized her no-response might've been bliss all this while.
It turned out Emily was dying from cancer and only had about a year and few months to live.
Life had never been as cruel as it was in those few moments of clarity.
Although devasted, sad and broken, I decided the time remaining was going to be her best days alive. We did everything until we couldn't and finally she passed. The music had stopped playing and the party was finally over. The life of my party was finally no more.
Moving on was the most difficult thing in the universe and I don't believe I have finally moved on. I was never a part of her life in the ways that I wished, but for a brief moment, I shared in her joys and pain. Perhaps that would have to be enough.
I've moved on with my life, and from time to time I still visit the club where we first met. Sit in the same spot and watch the scenery. A part of the scene but never fully a part of it. Perhaps it was simply enough to enjoy the thrill of the music even though I couldn't partake in the dancing. That would have to be enough.
She was cruel for leaving so soon, none of it her fault,but cruel nonetheless. It was enough that I had even known her at all, she'd been more than good enough for me.