There are memories that disappear with time, and then there are the ones that quietly grow more meaningful as we get older.
They just show up - very silently, very suddenly, as a rule, when you are so slowed up in life, that your thoughts wander.
As in my case, it was a random memory but it always seems to replay to me whenever I am bored, and in most instances, when I am taking a walk.
Its been several years. Just a simple moment became a life-changing memory. One afternoon that just stood out and lingered with me longer than others.
I was younger at the time and I was yet to decide or figure out what direction my life would take. I was as clear as most young men, although not so ambitious at the time. I wanted to achieve something, but at that time I did not even know what that was.
I was sitting outside with my mom on this day because she was preparing food. She decided to cook outside cause it was for a larger croud.
The afternoon sun was tyrannical in a way. She was humming rather to herself over her work, quite unaware that I was looking at her.
My mom has always been such a person who is cheerful in little things. Life was not necessarily good but somehow she was able to endure some sort of quiet happiness. She was coughing a little cause of the smoke form the fire that day, and dancing a little to no music that only she seemed to be able to hear.
I remember that I used to laugh and ask her, why are you always happy even though things are not always perfect?
She looked at me briefly, and then smiled as usual so composedly.
Then said...
You may wait long if you keep waiting for perfection, she emphasized, and then smiled.
At the time I did not give much thoughtto it. I answered with a nod and once more grinned, and went back to whatever it was that I was thinking about.
And Just like the majority of youths, I believed wisdom was something that you had to get from big experiences, and not in a conversation.
Years passed.
Life moved quickly. I had aspirations, attempted other pursuits and had to discover life the hard way by making mistakes, not knowing, and maturing.
And at some stage of that journey I started to have doubts, and i started feeling that something wrong was going on.
But That small event with my mother continued to reoccur to me.
Sometimes it happened that things were working out. It also happened during times when life seemed to be bewildering or overwhelming. It was as though that single sentence had been inculcated in my head and was awaiting to be put into focus.
I began to think that memories are some strange objects. They need not necessarily save the most momentous. Rather, they protect the silent moments, occasionally, those that we are aware has taken place but do not yet understand at the time of its occurrence.
In fact, I am not even aware anymore whether the memory is absolutely true. Probably, the conversation was slightly different. I cant even tell anymore if really its the same thing that was said.
but the impression of that moment has not passed.
And that is, perhaps, what memories are in reality.
Not perfection images of the past, but emotional marks. The little messages left behind in life, which teaches us the way when we get lost.
When I begin to be too serious with life, now, concerning plans or results or events, which are still not actualized, that recollection runs around and round again.
I suppose my mother would sing in the kitchen dancing a little to her invisible music smiling at nothing in particular.
And I recall what she had said.
You must not wait that everything is just right to be able to feel joy.
By so doing, you might start waiting in your life.
Some memories fade with time.
But not all.
Im curious though, do you guys also have memories that just pops up unexpectedly?