As I drink my coffee listening to my favourite weekend podcast on my jam, I am glad my days as a relationship counselor are over. It’s been a good run of 7 years and I’m feeling exhausted.
I quit this noble job because of my recent relationship woes. As a counselor, it’s only expected of me to have my own relationship in stable condition but a staggering 3 relationships within the space of 14 months isn’t something to be proud of.
Not only that, but also being susceptible to the emotions of others makes the job a life threatening one for me. The other day, I listened to how a client enjoyed domestic violence from her partner. She thought it was love because she had seen it from home — how her crying mother would often tell her, Dad is showing love by beating her.
So she thought it was evidence of love. Her face was plastered, came back from the hospital which has become a frequent thing for her.
When I was done, I couldn’t shake my mind off her situation. I couldn’t eat for days.
In her words, “I have lost a lot in this relationship, my dignity, self esteem, perception, emotions and all. I can’t point to anything that makes me happy. Yet I find it hard to leave.”
That’s just one of the many.
I remembered I had just finished a lecture that day when a new client requested to see me. I had to travel from school area to town under the rain to meet her at a bar. Trying to cheer her up, I wrapped my hands around her shoulder. You can say I have my own unconventional treatment with my client - beyond the books kind of and that’s why they work. I mean I’m the best you can find in town.
During our discussion, I got to know her husband cheated, and she cried a lot. I didn’t know what or how to appease her at that moment. I was close to tears myself. I just had to let her flow. Let the pain suffice.
Her husband came around later to meet us, I was happy they could still make things work between themselves. But as we all rode back to town in the same car, I can’t help but think I look like the one trying to tear them apart. I was an outsider.
I wonder if her husband will think of me and believe I have done a great job of appealing to his wife to stay and work things out.
I really don’t care. I have done my job as a counselor and gotten my pay.
One particular client that keeps coming to my mind as I drink my coffee this morning is the one I came across during my final year days in EKSU.
A lot of my clients are big girls that were also involved with big boys. Working with them can be a tough job. They look big but when we sit in a space and they confide in me, you’d realise everyone deals with different insecurities, not the big lashes, expensive hairs, good and banging clothes can cover it.
You need to see how often they melt when they have been ill treated in a relationship where money and sex was the motivator.
It was on a Wednesday when I got a call from one of my big girl’s clients. A new number.
Hello, is this Mide the counselor? I said yes.
Who am I speaking with? This is so so so, I need to meet with you urgently and I am aware of your pay.
Well since she has the buck, I asked for the location for the meet up and she said school gate.
A result of mine has just been posted on the portal, I got a D. Hoping to shake away the feeling, I stopped my bike and asked to be taken to the school gate.
When I got there, I called again. She told me to look around for a red Camry— a spider model.
In my mind, I said to myself, it’s one of those clients.
When I spotted the car, I went to the side, it was tinted and oozing like it was on, I knocked on the window glass and she slid it down and asked me to enter.
After I got in, she told me we are going on a ride and that she can’t fully discuss the matter on ground.
I had my pen and dairy with me— which were my lecture notes until I had to be a counselor again.
I was ready to listen but it seems it will take a while. She was silent, driving at a top speed on the slim university road.
I had my reservations about how she was driving as it could be fuelled with emotions but as a guy, I didn’t want to comment on my fear.
Her driving model makes me remember my guy — Dami.
He was a good or let’s say a reckless driver. Rumor had it he once did a 2 hours drive go/come between Ado and Ibadan. I remembered when we went to Fuoye, on our way, he showed me the particular place he tumbled 3 times with his last Corolla and I was scared for a minute. Never been in an accident, can’t imagine.
As we were coming back from the federal school, we were all high and stuff and drove steadily. Those are days when we could afford to be reckless, now we have come of age and scared and we all have things, vain in value, that we would like to stay on this earth to protect as long as we can. Let’s just say we matured now.
When she was going to talk, the first thing she said was I hate him. He always gets on my nerves and sometimes he could be nice. I mean super nice.
What do you mean, I asked.
I was dating someone before I met him. He just texted me from my business account on instagram. He schooled in the next state from here. I often go to greet him in his school every two weeks. I was able to keep up since he was the one sponsoring the T fare.
I asked what the problem was. It seems you two had something going and from what I can see with the ride, he is spending on you.
Now that’s the problem. Sometimes he doesn’t want me to come and it’s a bit risky to travel down without his permission.
Anytime He offends me and I complain about a thing, he will send money for yogurt. Sometimes to the rate of 10k. It was lovely at first. Getting baby girl treatment when I am offended.
Sometimes he ghosts me for about 3 days, saying he is busy and comes back with a credit alert just to buy my emotions and how I feel. Since I am in need, I didn’t know how to complain at first.
One of these days, I paid him an uninvited visit in his lodge and found another babe in his room.
That’s what prompted him to buy this car for me.
At that point I was willing to break up but I couldn’t reject the car, it was out of the blues. He drove it from the next state here.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like I own him. It’s like there is a space in his heart that I can’t occupy.
I don’t know if I should leave it or manage it. He has given me a lot and tried for me but I am tired of everything.
This is just a few of many cases I have treated in a while. They can be energy sucking sometimes and unbelievable.
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