I enjoyed reading this, . As I mentioned on Discord, we only accept short stories in this community. Even though this is not a fit for The Ink Well, I always enjoy reading creative work.
We hope you'll come back with a short story that fits our community! You can find some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. You can also learn about creative nonfiction short stories here
RE: Underground Paradise : Act 3 : Redemption or Retribution