She poured herself a cup of coffee while wiping away her tears, she felt an abyss open up inside her, she no longer recognized herself. Her hands were shaking and a bitter thought was eating her head like a hungry monster, she stood up and paced the kitchen back and forth, she wasn't sure. She entered the room stealthily, her girlfriend Thais was sleeping soundly in bed, it had been a long day so she fell asleep without knowing anything, but she was there looking at her and wondering the things that a girlfriend should never wonder, for a moment she felt like she hated her.
She set about packing her suitcase, for she was convinced to leave that night. As she folded her clothes something shook her, the thought of never seeing Thais again tore her apart, her outrageous laugh, her seductive gaze, her voluptuous body swaying as she walked. Without realizing it she was crying again, it seemed as if inside her two versions of herself were making opposite decisions with the same intensity, now she was violently debating between leaving and staying.
Earlier that night they had been together at a party with other lesbian friends. One of the girls approached her slowly as if they shared a lifetime of experiences, she barely knew her but was seduced by the complicity with which she looked at her. They danced a little, more out of inertia than pleasure, their bodies moving and intimately pinking to the rhythm of the music. The strange girl approached her ear, she felt the cold lips caress her ear, she listened to what her new friend wanted to tell her, according to the girl Thais was systematically being unfaithful to her, she felt herself breaking with those words.
She didn't dance anymore, her body stopped moving, she looked for a chair where to fall down. That news overwhelmed her, so much trust placed in a person who was deliberately betraying her behind her back. Her heart pounded her chest as if it wanted to break it, her hands were sweating, Thais was on the dance floor with other friends, they were jumping and moving under the colored lights, for a moment it seemed to her that they were just an abstract and luminous mass in the middle of nowhere.
She didn't know how she got to the house, she was out of her mind, she saw herself and Thais walking along, as if she saw two strangers in the distance or the characters of a ridiculous movie on a screen. When Thais had arrived she had fallen asleep immediately, but she was there, thinking about the possibility that was destroying her. She thought about his previous relationship, she had also been betrayed and she thought that would be the last time someone would hurt him, but now he found himself there living the same nightmare.
He wanted to scream, to wake Thais up and suffocate her with his reproaches, maybe break something in the room, to show his anger and also his strength, to reveal that he was no longer an easy target to harm. She approached the bed and saw Thais lying like a tender animal, her snores echoing in the room, her body sprawled out, her face lax and her eyes half open; that scenario that for anyone else would have meant a vulgar and unpleasant demonstration, for her was a beautiful irresistible landscape. She was moved, she thought about it several times, she stared at Thais and felt fragile again, undecided, overwhelmed by her love for him.
She knew that most likely what that girl had murmured in her ear hours before was true. She knew that Thais could hurt her as much as she wanted, she knew that every time she turned her back on her companion from now on she would be burdened with that irresolution. She saw herself sitting in the seat of a bus, returning home after having confronted her girlfriend, inside herself she experienced for an instant what it would be like to no longer feel owned by Thais, and she considered herself poor and cursed, but she also went through a strange warmth akin to dignity beginning to emerge inside her.
Of course she could only imagine her departure, for in reality she did not feel ready to confront Thais, much less leave her, she would return to her side like a wounded puppy seeking comfort every time this one hurt her. She unpacked her suitcases, dried her tears and curled up next to her beloved torment, hoping that the next day due to voluntary amnesia she would no longer remember what she had discovered the night before.
Original content by the author.
Resources: Tablet ZTE E10Q
Images from Pixabay
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Translated with Deepl.com
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Una noche larga (Ingles/Español)
Se sirvió una taza de café mientras limpiaba sus lágrimas, sintió como un abismo se abría dentro de ella, ya no se reconocía. Sus manos temblaban y un pensamiento amargo le comía la cabeza como monstruo hambriento, se puso de pie y recorrió la cocina de un lado a otro, no estaba segura. Entró a la habitación sigilosamente, en la cama dormía profundamente su novia Thais, había sido un día largo así que callo rendida sin enterarse de nada, pero ella en cambio estaba allí mirándola y preguntándose las cosas que una novia no debería de preguntarse nunca, por un momento sintió que la odiaba.
Se dispuso a preparar la maleta, pues estaba convencida de marcharse esa noche. Mientras doblaba la ropa algo la estremeció, la idea de no volver a ver a Thais la destrozaba, su risa escandalosa, su mirada seductora, su cuerpo voluptuoso balanceándose al caminar. Sin darse cuenta estaba llorando otra vez, parecía como si en su interior dos versiones suyas tomaran decisiones opuestas y con la misma intensidad, ahora se debatía violentamente entre irse y quedarse.
Esa misma noche habían estado juntas en una fiesta con otras amigas lesbianas. Una de las chicas se acercó a ella despacio como si compartieran vivencias de toda una vida, ella apenas la conocía pero se dejó seducir por la complicidad con la que la miraba. Bailaron un poco, más por inercia que por gusto, sus cuerpos se movían y se rosaban íntimamente al ritmo de la música. La extraña chica se acercó a su oído, ella sintió los labios fríos acariciar su oreja, escucho lo que su nueva amiga quería decirle, según la chica Thais le estaba siendo infiel sistemáticamente, sintió que se rompía con aquellas palabras.
No bailo más, su cuerpo dejo de moverse, busco una silla donde dejarse caer. Aquella noticia la sobrepasaba, tanta confianza depositada en una persona que deliberadamente la estaba traicionando a sus espaldas. El corazón golpeaba su pecho como si quisiera romperlo, las manos le sudaban, en la pista de baile estaba Thais junto a otras amigas, brincaban y se movían bajo las luces de colores, por un momento le pareció que solo eran una masa abstracta y luminosa en el medio de la nada.
No supo cómo llego a la casa, estaba fuera de sí, se veía a si misma junto a Thais caminando, como si viera de lejos a dos extrañas o en una pantalla a los personajes de una película ridícula. Al llegar Thais se había dormido de inmediato, pero ella estaba allí rumeando aquella posibilidad que la estaba destruyendo. Pensó en su anterior relación, también había sido traicionado y creyo que esa sería la última vez que alguien le hiciera daño, pero ahora se encontraba allí viviendo la misma pesadilla.
Quiso gritar, despertar a Thais y asfixiarla con sus reproches, tal vez romper algo de la habitación, demostrarle su ira y también su fuerza, revelar que ya no era un blanco fácil de dañar. Se aproximó a la cama y vio a Thais echada como un animal tierno, sus ronquidos resonaban en la habitación, su cuerpo desparramado, la cara laxa y los ojos entre abiertos; aquel escenario que para cualquiera habría significado una demostración vulgar y desagradable, para ella era un bello paisaje irresistible. Estaba conmovida, lo pensó varias veces, miraba fijamente a Thais y se sentía nuevamente frágil, indecisa, abrumada por el amor que le tenía.
Sabía que lo más probable era que lo que aquella chica le había murmurado al oído horas antes era cierto. Sabía que Thais podría dañarla tanto como quisiera, sabía que cada vez que diera la espalda a su compañera de ahora en adelante cargaría con aquella irresolución. Se vio a si misma sentada en la butaca de un autobús, regresando a su casa después de haber confrontado a su novia, dentro de sí experimento por un instante lo que sería ya no sentirse dueña de Thais, y se consideró pobre y maldita, pero también atravesó una calidez extraña parecida a la dignidad empezando a emerger en su interior.
Claro que solo pudo imaginar su partida, pues en realidad no se sentía dispuesta a confrontar a Thais, mucho menos a dejarla, ella volvería a su lado como un cachorro herido buscando consuelo cada vez que esta la lastimara. Desempaco sus maletas, seco sus lágrimas y se acurrucó junto a su amado tormento, esperando que al día siguiente por amnesia voluntaria ya no recordara lo que había descubierto la noche anterior.
Contenido original del autor.
Recursos: Tablet ZTE E10Q
Imágenes de Pixabay
fuente/fuente
Traducido con Deepl.com
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