I felt the emotions swirling within me as I looked at my screen. The words were beginning to blur and my brain was becoming mush. The imagery was in my head. I’d reached a dead end. If there was a way forward, I couldn’t see it. It was all stone and hard place in front. I knew this feeling. It happened occasionally, but I dreaded it so much.
I knew what had happened. I was stuck. I’d started writing, without a clear goal of where the story was going. But that wasn’t bad because that’s how it usually was for me. Just write, and go with the flow. The words will come. But today was different. I stared at the words on the screen where I’d stopped. She looked towards the clouds and sighed. What did she do after she sighed?
I looked at the time. Forty minutes to the deadline for submission. I let out a sigh of sadness and exasperation and went to search for other things I could write instead. But it was futile. There was nothing for me to write. I’d had my whole week planned out. And now it looked like I was going to disappoint the people who needed me to finish that writing. Disappoint me. That was the hardest pill to swallow.
I took my earphones immediately and let all my favourite writing songs waft into my ears. But even as I went back to my screen, I knew it was pointless. I knew it wasn’t going to work. And I could feel the start of bitter tears as they stung my eyes. I blinked them away furiously. But what was I going to do? The wall in front of my mind’s head looked bigger and even more insurmountable than before.
In an impulsive act of desperation, I texted her.
“Help me. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck. I can’t continue. It’s terrible.”
It single-ticked. And then it double-ticked. And I saw those little dancing bubbles that showed that she was typing. I breathed a sigh of relief I didn’t know I’d been holding. I realized then how lost I’d have felt if she wasn’t available. I had no one else to talk to. And time was running out.
“Slow down. Slow down. What’s going on?” She wrote. “What can’t you continue?”
I told her everything. And maybe I let a tear or two slip as I typed. It felt like I was lost. I saw the bubbles begin to dance again. For a minute and two and then three. Each second feeling like a lifetime. But I waited regardless. If she was going to work a miracle for me, it was worth the wait.
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes.
And repeat the words, “I know how to continue.”
Say it ten times with conviction.
Pick up your phone. Look at the story again. And write.
I stared at it for a minute. And then two. Was that all to it? Was it going to work? I went to my writing page and stared at it. Could it be that simple?
I went back and asked, “Are you sure it would work?”
It was insane that I was daring to hope. Daring to trust. Daring to believe that I did something so simple, it could work. And then, she replied. “If you believe it would work, it will.”
It was all the motivation I needed. All the go-ahead I could possibly get. I memorized the steps in my head, even as I glanced at the time. Twenty-five minutes left. I couldn’t mess this up. I had a chance. And so, with all faith I could muster, I took a deep breath and said the words. With conviction and with hope. And without a shadow of doubt.
I can do it.
I know how to continue.
And after the tenth time, I picked up my phone and let the peace and calmness settle fully in my being. I tapped at the keys. Furious fingers but a calm heart. It was like a miracle, seeing that insurmountable wall begin to dissipate like dust. My mind’s eye begin to clear from the fog that blinded it.
And when I was done and clicked on submit, I looked at the time. Seven minutes left. I smiled so hard and then I heard the ping.
Did it work? She asked.
She couldn’t have seen the tears that rolled at those three words but maybe she felt it as I typed.
“Yeah, it did. Thank you.”
Motivation in different ways. A will to pursue. A will to achieve. And a soul who cared.
Breathe, Tess. Believe. And Be.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
