“That’s the hundredth time you’re looking out the window, Trace,” Maxine, my best friend berated me. “For goodness sake, calm down. He’ll show up, I promise.”
I turned to her sharply, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” I regretted snapping at her immediately, and not just because of the look on her face. “I’m so sorry, Max. Honestly, I-”
“I know all of this is getting to you. This whole sudden reunion, but getting worked up about it won’t help issues. Maybe I should leave.”
I was on my knees immediately, hugging her to myself on the parlour rug where she sat. “No Max. I’d never have done this without you. I want you to be here still. I promise I’ll stop pacing.”
Max smiled and hugged me. Thankfully. Lord knew I was lost without her. Maxine had always been my comfort. In my rebellious teenage years and through the terrible illness of my Mother, through her final battles with Cancer as she gave up the ghost, through the piecing of my life back together, and now through the search for my absentee father.
I shouldn’t have cared. Any man who would be alive and not even search for his family, his daughter, had no place in my life. I’d taken him for dead. I always have. Mama was the only father I knew and I was content with that. And even though she had told me that my Dad had abandoned us when I was born, she never said a single disparaging word against him. Her dying words, pleading with me to find and reunite with him haunted me.
And even then, I may never have done it, but Maxine’s insistence and then her support, helping me storm and weave through social media for months on end till I eventually found him and he agreed to meet up with me today, played in my mind. And I hoped that I would be able to forgive Mama if this man rejected me.
So, here I was, hoping and wishing and praying in my heart that I wouldn’t regret this reunion. That I wouldn’t wish he dead rather than be alive. That I wouldn’t-”
“Toot! Toot!” A horn sounded, if I could even call it that. It was one of those horns that sounded like a roar and a caress at the same time. The type that told you, even without it coming into view, that it was worth millions of dollars. Yes, did I forget to mention that my Dad is apparently one of the richest men on this side of the world. And Mom and I struggled all these years? Exactly.
God, I don’t even know what I was thinking giving this man a chance.
“He’s here, Trace,” Maxine called out in a whisper. I gave her that look that said that I wasn’t blind. I walked outside confidently, deciding not to let the fact that my heart was beating so fast, I could hear it or the fact that I was clearly about to throw up due to my worked-up nerves, show on my face.
And there he was, stepping out of the car, with poise and confidence. He had sunglasses on. And then he saw me, and halted, taking the sunglasses off his face. And that’s when I gasped and felt my resolve weaken. Mom had said rather offhandedly once that I was the spitting image of my Dad. And now I could see it. Eyes, nose, mouth, even the beauty spot that was at the exact place above my lips. It was like he gave birth to me himself
And then he smiled an unsure smile, with a corner of his lip tilting awkwardly up, just like mine. And that’s when I broke down into Max’s outstretched arms. I cried so hard, uncaring of his presence as he ran to my side. Holding himself stiffly like he was afraid to make the wrong move.
It’s probably hard to believe but I quietened down eventually. Maybe it’s because I found my breakdown more than a little embarrassing. But, I was no robot so sue me. And so, here I was again, side by side with a man I supposedly shared blood with but I’d never seen face to face in twenty-three years. Max had gone inside to prepare dinner, or so she claimed.
“Do you...” He started, the lines on his forehead forming waves. “Do you like chocolates?” I was quiet for a moment and then he rushed to continue. “You know the doctor says it’s bad for my health but I just can’t help loving the little brown things.” He ended with a smile.
I scowled at him. “So because you’re addicted to them, you think I’d like them?”
I saw the crestfallen look on his face and I was almost about to apologize. I also had a slight addiction to chocolate and thought it was nice for him to get it for me, but again, sue me if I wasn’t jumping up and down excitedly that my estranged father, by my probing, had finally decided to give me a bit of attention.
“I’m sorry for the assumption. Please forgive me.”
I pursed my lips and stared into the air as the evening breeze cooled my aching forehead. “I’ve always imagined how this moment would be, you know,” I said quietly. “But nothing beats the real deal, I think.” Turning back to him, I asked the question that had been burning in my heart for two decades. “Why did you go? Why didn’t you stay?” Apparently, I was past my embarrassment because I let the tears flow unchecked.
Surprisingly, he knelt and faced me. “Nothing I say would ever make up for the lost time and the fact that I wasn’t a part of my little girl’s life. I’m not here to demand that I become a part of your life.” He reached out to hold my hand and I let him, my eyes blurred by tears. “But I just hope that one day you won’t look at me with such hatred brimming in your eyes. That I would see you maybe smile at me.”
It didn’t make any sense. Nothing did. But then I thought of Mama and knew that I had to at least try. Removing my hand from his, I turned away and said, “If it’s not Snickers, I don’t want it.” I knew he was smiling. I knew that because I had a little smile of my own as well.
