Around late 2021, I had just recovered from an illness that took longer than expected and kept me indoors for most of the time. Life has moved on, people and friend's had moved on, even life had moved on without me. People I once prayed for, advised, encouraged and all were now doing more better, and I the once upon a time strong one was stuck there replaying my dreams and aspirations.
And of a truth, I wasn't angry at anyone in particular, but I was angry at life, at time, at God and at how long it had taken me to recover and be human again. Upon recovering, I wanted to do a lot, I wanted to return back to school, aside that I also felt I should share my story, most of the time I do stare at my mirror in the morning and ask self, “What exactly are you still waiting for?”
One Saturday afternoon, the sun was out in all of it's power, I was so burdened and felt the need to go out and talk to or rather encourage someone, I didn't have much on me, but then I stepped out with faith without informing anyone, I headed for the beach, well that was where my heart keep asking me to go first, maybe not sure if I will do well on the streets.
I had seen people do stuffs like that on Instagram and Tiktok...just show up and talk to strangers about dreams and hope and all, while also rendering little/certain financial assistance. It felt ridiculous, I don't have much or anything at all, also what if I got there and couldn't talk, what if I sounded like a lunatic... what if.... what if....?
Somehow, I kept on moving.
I got there, saw an empty chair and decided to sit and just study the environment a little before making any move, I hadn't planned or rehearsed what to say, I was about doing that when a lady came by and sat next to me, her eyes were laced with tears, whe wasn't crying out, but she was definitely sobbing in there. I asked her what was wrong, she didn't give any response whatsoever.
Just as if I was waiting for a time like this, inspiration came, words started to flow, I didn't bother if she was paying attention or not, but I know she could hear me loud and clear, I talked about how time had passed me by, about how I almost lost myself, about how I was tired of my predicament. I talked and talked and before I knew it she was already holding my hands, it was then I realized I wasn't just talking to one person, a few curious people who saw her had came by.
It was later I learnt that they had thought it was a boyfriend & girlfriend issue and they had come to kind of pokenose and use as a form of content for their media handles. I Looked around and saw about five more people, I couldn't flow like before again, my voice was now shaking, but still I kept going and concluded by telling them all..."perfection is not needed for you to start again, just be willing to start, be willing and determined to rise and stand tall even when your legs are shaking... like my voice is."
Next I heard was claps, I was shocked, maybe I was shocked because people came by to listen or that they clapped for me or maybe I was shocked at myself for not dying from shame/embarrassment. That day was a turn around for me, all of them stayed glued and listened with all seriousness, I think it was the way I concluded that ....... like my voice is." that put a little smile on their faces, this scenario was unlike Lagos, the Lagos I knew wouldn't be this serious, but then, this was different.
That happens to be the first time I spoke publicly without having flyers, I wasn't on live, I wasn't invited and nobody paid me. It was just me and the pieces of courage I had been building together from months of crying and writing/jotting. Before I left, the lady and about one or two people asked for my contact and I gave it out.
I was expecting a call or message but non came through, a week later, a woman I didn’t know sent me a message on WhatsApp. She said she had gotten my number from one of the people who took my contact, she said she was there as well but wasn't so in the mood, her daughter was in the hospital and has been diagnosed with a serious illness, she just decide to come out for some fresh/new air and think a little bit, she discussed how she has been contemplating some very dark thoughts, but hearing me speak, she had a rethink and was reminded that there was still light, even in the darkest of place.
That day, I cried, like I cried, it was as if I had discovered myself once again, more like the voice I had long lost is now back again. And of a truth, I still have bills as well, I am not where I want to be, but that won't stop me, I won't wait anymore.....I had thrown caution to the wind, and the wind didn’t respond me with a slap.
Since that day, I haven't heard from that particular lady I was sitted with.
I’ve since spoken in bigger places/platforms, I have helped people process their pain and I have even started writing again. But that day on the beach keeps me going and it kept reminding me that I don't need to be whole or have it all, but that I can still show up even when I am hurt and bleeding as well.
I was scared when I threw caution to the wind, but then, it has helped me found purpose and a safe haven.
I have been coming by this community for a long time and I just wanted to take my time to look around and study it well before doing/writing anything, fortunately, I stumbled on 
So, here is my first post on the Inkwell community, and I couldn’t have pick a more fitting topic. This phrase “throw caution to the wind” was just to captivating, aside that, it was something I did a lot and has one time changed everything for me. So, here am I to stay, share, write, heal and if possible help someone else throw caution to the wind too.
All pictures are mine.
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