I dreaded this very moment. It's the way my hands froze with cold, even when the sun was scorching. I lost my appetite the night before this afternoon, after I heard the results were out. This moment was again going to decide my fate.It would tell me if again, I would be drowning in loneliness and boredom at home, wondering what I had done to repeatedly write JAMB for four times, or if I would for once, have good news to share with Clara and Maya, who had pushed me aside, after I wasn't able to gain admission into the university.
Source
Life wasn't fair to me, I'll always say whenever I walked past the University gate on Monday mornings, taking my freshly fried doughnuts to my mom to sell in her office. My mother worked in the bursary unit of the university where I had failed to gain admission into for four years. The most painful part was that I couldn't help seeing the people who were my classmates in Secondary school there, whenever I made a stop. Some would genuinely ask about my course of study, thinking I had gained admission, while others would sarcastically do so, just to have their field day, knowing I was still writing JAMB.
One time, as I approached the entrance to the university with the transparent plastic that had my freshly fried doughnuts, I saw Clara and Maya. We were besties in Secondary School, and I was always ahead of them academically. That I didn't gain admission into the university was all mysterious. For once, they were ahead of me, and they didn't fail to make me feel that.
“You now sell food?” Clara asked with contempt echoing from her question. I didn't wish to say a word, but somehow, it felt like I had been pushed to speak, that I didn't know when I said
“It's for my mom. I don't sell food”
My response shocked her.I refused to speak like someone who had been battered, rather, I wore confidence on my sleeve and walked away after my response.
I thought I had been served a complete dose of the pain of not being in the university when my mates were, only to be hit by another blow.As I walked away from Clara that afternoon, I ran into Sarah, my church bestie. I was ahead with excitement and hurried my steps to give her a tight hug like we do. I wasn't too sure if she had seen me a distance away, because her face didn't have the usual excitement. I hurried down and threw my hands round her. The embrace was cold.
“What are you doing here holding this rubber?” She asked, looking irritated.
Her course mates whom she had probably walked down with caught up with her, and she immediately moved away from me without a word.
The boys and ladies with her smelt like sophistication. Their cologne alone lingered in my memory even after I had left them. I won't even want to say a thing about the clothes they had on, because it looked to me like the ones only those in the movies could afford. I didn't look good enough to be seen with her, and that explained her cold embrace and question. All of these memories made me cold as I made to check my result at the cafe close to my house. If God should forsake me by denying me admission for the fourth time, I would carry my cross and not bother writing the exam again. I had thought as I walked down.
I sat Infront of the system for ten minutes, afraid to click the check option.
“God, I deserve better,” I started to think. “Don't Punish me, abeg” My hands began to vibrate, and I felt the strong urge to use the restroom all of a sudden. I knew they were panic attacks. I opened my eyes but I didn't know if to cry or not. I stared a little more at the computer screen just to be sure. I didn't know when tears began to roll down, that I had to get my handkerchief to wipe it off. This was it!
I logged out and left the cafe as if I were chased. My heart was pounding. I needed to talk to someone.Good enough, it was a public holiday, so my mom was at home.
“Mamaaaaaaa!” I shouted from the gate.
My mom quickly emerged from the house.
“What is it?”
All over again, I started to cry, and she became more curious. I handed the print out to her.
“Oh my God!”She exclaimed
300!
That was my JAMB score. At first, I didn't think it was my score. I had been battling unreleased results for two years. The third year, finances were so tight that I couldn't write the exam, and now, my fourth year, it proved that I wasn't a failure, after all.
I wanted to announce my triumph, but my mom won't let me. She believed in keeping things private.
I nearly missed a step as I made for the podium that afternoon. The cheer and standing ovations broke my heart. It was like a dream. The pain and misery of waiting four years at home, only to be celebrated in a manner this big got me teary. This was the life I had always known I deserved. Best graduating student, Faculty of Law. That was me. My mother was there, wiping tears that refused to stop flowing, as I was handed my certificates. I wanted to cry, but I fought it, and replaced it with a smile that the press men in attendance captured to make front headlines.
Source
A few months later, while waiting for my national service, I interned at one of the most reputable law firms in my state. I didn't have to find this job. The job found me on my graduation when the senior lawyer came to congratulate me on my feat. The years I had lost didn't matter anymore. The very life I had ordered had been served to me.