A leap of faith
The last thing I wanted to do on a Saturday afternoon was to go to my aunt and uncle's abandoned house, but I had no choice, I had to make sure that the moving team hadn't forgotten anything, and that the house was completely empty.
I'm still processing the fact that my aunt left me her old house, the one I love so much. I remember having to go forced every summer, my parents worked and without school or activities to do in the afternoons there was no one to take care of me. The good thing is that as I got older I was no longer forced, it became a refuge, away from the chaos of my home, and the falsehood that was around me.
I am afraid to face the feelings that that house will make me enter, but there is no other way, I am the only niece and there is no one else to take her assets, I must confess that the money is excellent now, because I can stop working for a year and only travel, something that I long for so much.
As I enter the private street that leads up to the house, my mind is filled with images, sounds and smells.
God, I missed this place so much.
But it's painful to come here, without them. Being in the house without the smell of my aunt's cookies, without the jazz music in the background that my uncle played every day, I could swear that I will never listen to a jazz album twice, his vinyl record collection must be close to a thousand albums.
But I can't put it off any longer, the new owners will send the construction equipment in three days, and the house must be completely empty.
I leave the car at the entrance, and take courage before leaving, the house seems intact as if the years had not passed.
I enter the house and breathe in the deep smell of wood, my lungs fill with it, and I don't want to let go of it, I want to engrave it in my memory, and so I can never forget it. The house seems to be ten times bigger, but it feels the same as it looks; empty, cold and soulless.
As I walk through each room, a horrible feeling of loneliness fills me, my heart races, and it's hard for me to breathe. There are too many emotions, I have to get out for air, so I run to the terrace. I inhale deeply, and the cold lake air is like anesthesia in my body, it relaxes me... After several deep breaths, I can see clearly again, my chest is relaxed, and my eyes are full of tears. Don't imagine it will affect me so much being here.
Do I think about what to do now, what can I do to never forget this place so that it stays tattooed forever in my life?
I'm going to do what I always did before I left, at the last minute, before getting in my aunt and uncle's car and getting a ride home; jump from the terrace into the lake!
It's just that those ten seconds before I jumped, it was the moment when everything became clear, the doubts left my body, and I could be completely in the present.
I leave the car keys, my cell phone, my glasses, and my jacket on the floor. I always liked jumping with my shoes, feeling how all my clothes were filled with water, and my shoes made me sink a little, it was exciting.
I climb on the railing, take a deep breath and start the countdown from ten;
10 for never having to depend on others.
9 for never asking for my inner peace
8 for days full of laughter
I start crying, this is the last time I jump from this terrace and make ten wishes, everything I want to fulfill within the next year, but this time it will be forever, there will be no next year, I will never return again to this house.
7 for being free and having no restrictions.
6 for being more resilient
5 for taking every opportunity
We have to make them all come true, we have to live them to the fullest, I cannot disappoint them, I am their legacy, and I will live the life that they wanted for me
4 for living without fear
3 for going around the world a hundred times and starting over
2 for building the family I want
The last and the most important.
1 to be happy and die trying
Then I jump, I feel that time stops, that I fall for hours... it hit the water, and an inexplicable sensation fills my body. I absorb the feeling, I let it fill me; I cry and laugh at the same time. I relax and start floating, I let my body feel the water, my heavy clothes. Suddenly, something pulls me out of my trance; I hear my name
I'm not far from the house, but without my glasses it becomes difficult to see who's yelling at me. I start swimming to the shore, there is no other option.
With each stroke, I get closer to the silhouette that shouts my name, its voice gets louder; then, I recognize that voice, my body bristles all over: It's my own voice!
But, how can this be possible?, I swim faster until I reach the shore, I get out of the water, and I look up, towards the terrace, and my mind starts playing with me; it's me, ten years old, on the railing of the terrace, ready to jump, just as I did for the first time.
The image of me, that ten-year-old girl, turns to look at me; a second before jumping; her face is full of emotion, her smile is my smile, her hair high in two little tails, multicolored dress, and pink shoes. He says our name once more, while waving his hands in greeting, and shouts at me;
Jump, always jump!
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