It was so cold outside, the air so bitter and unwelcoming. Was it really worth it? I asked myself as I glided the dusty path that led to the cafe he suggested we met at. It was a dusty and cold walk but I had to do it anyway. I needed closure.
Eight years in a relationship and Jerry hated it each time I brought up the issue of marriage. After four years of anticipating his proposal to futility, I began reminding him of it playfully but each time the word slipped out of my lips, he frowned and would tell me that he had other dreams and wasn't yet mature for such commitment. A man at 28 wasn't ready for commitment. He was twenty and I was eighteen when we started dating.
I loved him and waited but the day it dawned on me that eight years had gone by and Jerry showed no signs of maturity, I had to cut him off. I needed to love myself more to the point of recognizing a red flag when it's waved in my face.
I don't know why I'm out in the cold, ready to see him after two months of no speech curfew. "I really need this closure," I feigned. I missed him but my heart was ready to go on. "What if he's with another girl?" "No what ifs Olive" I reprimanded myself. It wouldn't have hurt to book a ride but I wanted to walk all the way so I could feel everything I needed to feel before reaching there. A cab was going to be too fast plus I had picked the right shoes.
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Standing in front of the old cafe, my heart jumped. I could feel it trying to escape its natural position, it came all the way up to my throat. I wished to spit it out, at least that way,I wouldn't feel a thing. I walked closer and took a peering glance.
I could see him clearly but as anticipated, there was a girl beside him but not the age I predicted. "Oh, he came to introduce his kid to me" I spat as I glowered at him. The kid was all over him, she was endearing but I was still pissed off. I loved children and wanted to have one someday with Jerry but he had plans different from mine.
Mind battles were the most bloody anyone could ever get involved in so I pulled out my phone and put a call through to my best friend. She was good at reaching a favorable conclusion over my sentimental debates.
"How's it going?" She hollered. "He wasn't man enough to tell me he had a kid." I almost choked on my words as I sucked in a breath. My heart was erratic. "He's such a D and a head" she snorted. We both went mute for probably seven heart beats. I was waiting for whatever she had to say next because even if she blurted, I was going to do just that.
"I think you should hear him out." Her voice was still and soothing but I could depict from those soothing words that she was wearing a scowl. I took a long breath. "You sure about that?" I batted my eyes trying to hold back the tears that if released could make a river. "Yes." "Thanks Sam." I feigned a smile and hung up.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my gown. It was a tea-length floral gown which I accompanied with a rutched open toe slip on sandals. His forest green eyes met mine, as soon as I walked in. I couldn't help but admire the kid. She was energetic, petite with blonde hair that matched her chestnut eyes. I found who to fix my gaze on instead of Jerry and I thanked the universe for that as I fought to hide how bashful his intimidating structure and eyes made me.
I braced up and took a seat by his side to avoid eye contacts. "Hey kid!" My smile was genuine, I did like the kid but that wasn't going to change anything.
"Is this the princess charming you've been filling my ears with?" She pointed at me but her eyes were on her uncle's face. "Oh goodness, Dazzle, can you not be like this today?" He spoke between teeth, cocking his head to the side.
She turned to me, "I'm Dazzle, not kid. I am four, his favorite niece." When she said his, she threw her index finger at him. An assertive kid. I liked that. My heart beat fell to almost normal when she mentioned she was his niece. I was too scared I'd react differently if he broke it to me that she was his.
She didn't let me cnclude on my thoughts when she threw me another question. "What's your name?" I was going to tell her that. "Olivia" I returned and she smiled. We had a short talk. I made her blush until Jerry was ready to talk. He made her excuse us by sending her to the kids playground the cafe provided. She didn't like the idea but she was smart enough to know her uncle needed to do some adult talking.
"Hi Olive" his voice made my palms sweat again. I shut my eyes fighting to hold back the tears I had kept in for so long. He brought his hands close to mine and I shuddered. A minute later I got a grip of myself and let words that snagged in my chest out.
"What right do you have to hold my hands after gaslighting me? You think you can just appear from wherever after two months of acting like a child and then I'd give you my hands? What do you think of me? Because I expected more doesn't mean you can treat me like a nobody and get away with it?" He was mute as I went on and on. He let me finish and I felt a lot relieved.
"I want to rewrite my wrongs. In the months of us being apart, I figured my sh#t out, I tried to hold back but the more I tried, the more I was losing my mind. Dazzle saw how frustrated I was and as you have witnessed, she's too smart for her age. She decided to come here with me so I don't blow things up, she wants you, I want you. I'm ready to be a man. That man you want, I'm ready to be a father, a good one." He paused and tilted his head so that he was looking at my side face.
I didn't anticipate this part but it was definitely waking the butterflies in my belle. "Will you do me the honors, please?" He finally crowned his speech with that question I'd been waiting eight years for. "Gimme a second" I excused myself and looked for the rest room. I needed to digest what I had just heard and I needed to tell Sam.
She picked up immediately. "How did it go?" I guess she'd been waiting for my call the whole time. "The girl is his niece and he's asking me to marry him" I rushed the words and waited to hear what she had to say. "You love him don't you?" "Of course but I can't just say yes!" "Right! Make him anticipate your response but don't give him a hint of what it is." "Thanks Sam, you're the best." "Anytime," she responded and hung the phone.
I washed my hands and went back out. We talked for a while and I gave him the response Sam suggested. I could see him think hard about it but he was ready to wait for me to figure it out. He knew he messed up. I liked that he desired me. Jerry loved me but didn't want to commit until now.
I said goodbye to Dazzle. Before walking out the door, I heard her ask him what my response was. It made me smile. I didn't turn back but to look at them. I knew he was anticipating a positive response but I was going to give him a negative first, accompanied with the postive few minutes after.
Later that evening, I took out my phone and sent him a message. I said no, he read it immediately and was typing. I held my heart in my hands waiting to see what his response was and when the message finally came it was almost as lengthy as an epistle. He expressed how sorry he was and asked for another chance. I pressed the phone on my chest and a tear slid down my cheeks. My Jerry. My forever. I was going to do this journey with him. I looked at the screen again, he had called severally already. I smirked and sent three letters to him. "YES."