Hello Hive account@alovely. Your piece was entirely narrative and although very detailed, it needed dialogue to constitute a well balanced piece of fiction. Dialogue between your characters would bring out their personalities and show us more of who they are instead of telling us everything in narrative. You also introduced a lot of very specific details and strands in your story which were never developed further and their significance was never explained eg: the 47 united families. You leave us wondering what the significance of this is in your story. why 47? United against whom and for what? Can you provide some insight to this for us?

Thank you for writing in The Ink Well.