Your writing is clear and descriptive, however, the tale lacks a certain “passion”. Short stories are packed into a small space, they require a toolbox of skills to make them effective. A short story should feature a definite conflict and a resolution. Methods to achieve this end include using dialogue and action in your story to “show” rather than “tell” the tale.

Please refer to The Ink Well’s resources, which are pinned to the community’s page for further tips and strategies to improve your writing.