You have a good story line, Hive account@popmanj. You have created a sympathetic character and the narrative is driven by conflict. You offer a reasonable resolution to the story. Although the intervention of a king is unlikely, this is your story, and if you want a king in it, then that's fine.

We do have one very important suggestion. You have written this story in block form There are no paragraphs. Paragraphs not only break up the page and make reading easier. They also give the reader clues as to the author's intention. Please try breaking up the story in paragraphs. After one person is done talking, for example a new paragraph often begins. This is a simple way to make your story more readable.

Thank you for sharing this interesting story with the Ink Well community. We do expect our authors to support each other by commenting on their stories. Thank you!