From her name, the color of her eyes, the people whom she shared blood ties with, her birth date to her home address. Even the air she breathed had no truth in it, the water she drank was all part of the fibs interwoven to make this fictitious existence of hers truth. As she sat in the lobby of the hospital that day, all she wanted was for all the events of the pasture days to be nothing but a long bad dream, one from which she would do anything to be woken up from. The skin of her arm hurt from the numerous pinches she had given herself to wake herself up. She tried to scream, to see if it would give her respite from this load of immense grief and heartache that she felt, but it seemed as if her throat was blocked with a thick lump of skin that stopped the sound each time it tried to come out. She wished she could go back and forget it all, she wished that day had never happened; maybe this false paradise which she and the members of her family had built for her would never have been troubled.
Her troubles had begun in drops and trickles and in her foolishness, she had not taken notice of the changes that had come along with it, she ignored the signs though they were glaring for her to see, she paid no heed to the little voice in her head that continuously told her that this was too good to be true. That fateful day was unlike any other, she had just gotten a job as an assistant prosecuting counsel in one of the most prestigious chambers in the country, all her nights of burning the midnight candle at both ends had finally paid off. She was more than happy, she was elated; if there was a bigger word to express the joy which she felt that day she would have used it. Immediately she dropped the congratulatory call from her mum, another one came in, it was Josephine, her friend from law school; though they had not graduated from the same university, the two years they had spent together in law school had woven a bond stronger even more than that of blood sisters, so seeing her name on the caller ID on her phone screen, her heart warmed; “Hello dear”, she said as she put the phone to her ears, “Aunty Barrister!!”, Josephine hailed over the phone in her usual loud manner, “I hope you will not forget broke people like us now that you have entered into the kingdom of the high mighty” she teased. She laughed, knowing that this was normality with Josephine; she always had a way of making a big deal out of the most irrelevant things in a lovingly funny way, “Okay sweetheart”, she replied, “Hope you know we are celebrating this new job of yours at Quillox tonight” Josephine said to her, “Yes I know” she replied, rolling her eyes, “I will see you by 7 then” Josephine replied, “Yeah, bye”, she said; ending the call.
The club was like nothing she had experienced before; it had this bitter sweet effect on her that filled her with both guilt and euphoria, the speakers boomed with songs she had heard on the radio and the floor seemed to move with the rhythm. Josephine was having a very swell time with some guys she had met in the club, she looked hot in her pepper-red thigh length gown, but in her case she did not know if she belonged or if she should have rejected the invitation in the first place, the whole thing had a complicated ring to it and the alcohol was not helping matters. Just when she decided it was best for her to go home and spend the rest of the celebratory night on the couch of her mini-flat, was when she saw him, sitting at the bar, with his back towards her, she did not know to this day what pushed her to take those damned steps, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was all the pep talk that Josephine and her mum had given her on taking her life into her hands coming to play, or maybe it was a combination of both, but what she knew and remembered was that she took those steps, and that was when her world came crashing, not immediately; but in bits and pieces.
She hesitated at first, not knowing whether it was the right thing to do, and just when she was about to turn back, he turned and smiled at her. It was at that moment, all her defenses came crashing down and all resistances she previously had were expelled by the looks of his ocean eyes, they were neither green nor blue, but a beautiful combination; “What is your name beautiful?” He asked coming close to her, too close for comfort, but instead of pushing him and running as far away as she could, she told him her name, or rather she croaked it out, he smiled; knowing the effect he had on her, he knew that the valley between her legs was as wet as a slippery floor and that her eyes were darkened not just with desire but with deep dark lust, so he said; “Come home with me and let me make your wildest imaginations come true”. And so she followed him like a sheep to the slaughter house, like one under a hypnotic spell, not thinking and not asking any questions, the only thing on her mind was the need to please and be pleasured. She woke up the next morning with guilt, hung-over and with a headache that felt like her head was split into two with an axe, just as she made to leave quickly before he woke up, he held her hand; “Not so fast love, what we started yesterday does not have to end so soon, we can still make it last longer and better than a one night stand” he said with a smile. Instead of loosening his grip, she let her body and desires control her, she chose the easy way out and mistook the tugging at her chest for love.
And so a one night stand turned into a full blown relationship of six months, and finally after a long period of painful waiting, he asked the big question; “Will you marry me?”, and like a teenager in love, she said yes, that was when the forces of evil in charge of ruining all things beautiful and perfect came into play and made it happen that when he visited her parents’ home, a can of worms long buried with her past was exhumed and the man whom she loved turned out to be her twin brother who had been lost for 28 years, she who always thought of herself as legitimate was adopted from an orphanage home in the slums.
Everything about her was a lie, including this forbidden love and the product of its disgusting conquests. “Ma’am the doctor will see you now”, said the nurse to her as she sat in the lobby of the hospital ready to get rid of this product of deception but as she stood up, she felt a kick on her stomach, a sign that this child was the only truth she had and so instead of going to the ward she left, ready to build her truth on her own.