Holy ghost. Something must have falling on me, because why am I speaking in tongues? Why am I looking at her and biting people's lines just to tell her I want to have dinner, I want to hold her hand, I want to watch the rain? She wants to watch the rain, she says, holding her purse close, her eyes searching the sky. The light glints its iris & blinks; she is looking at me. She has been talking but I have not been listening, thinking if I can put my hand around her waist when we cross the road or if that's improper.
She gives me her coat and purse when the cab comes around; we are going to a jazz spot. It is new. She has been there twice. I laugh as she talks. Her teeth is stained with the night's lights as we roll through the city. She is a programmer with a business employing eight women. She loves to unwind at the jazz place on the days she is free. It is not a long ride. The evening breeze frame her wig curls around her eyes as if a cheetah peeps through foliage. She laughs and adjusts the hair, revealing her pert nose suddenly I almost do not recognize her.
The place is full but calm. Every table is turned to the person on the stage. Every eye is a mirror of another eye. We pick seats at the side where the bar ends its long stretch. I order a beer, she orders a vodka. I light a cigarette and pass her the pack, she laughs and shakes her head;
That thing will kill you, she says.
I nod my head and blow smoke into the roof. The music ends and everyone claps. She stands up and bending towards me, she leaves a kiss on my cheek, then she walks away. I watch her climb the stage, sits before the piano and leans to the mic.
Her voice fills me with something I didn't know I lacked, the present atmosphere of a forest filled with life. I could almost taste soil on her tongue but the piano sought to trap some of the earth in a nest of birds that fluttered and sang like madness was begining to ache against my eyelids. I wanted to dance. Not dance. I wanted to move, gently like someone injured through the floor, swaying as if held by a goddess. I want to propitiate.
She giggled and the someone began to drum into the piano and I knew there was nothing left to do. Like a tide that a flood stole into a city, I receded and moved. Like debris, I returned to her lip searching for a safe landing for my soul. She caught me like a birder only to set me free. I floated and swayed, sweated until there was only loneliness and me, our old motions gently swelling and suddenly, everything faded away and I became myself.
I was standing near the piano, nodding and smoking. I didn't care if anyone was watching. I was in her music and her voice had licked me from earlobe to cranium. My head was like a seed in her throat. She came down, mid applause and fell into me with a laugh. She rang like cowries all over my body. I began to ache. We went back to our seats and I poured her a drink. She watched me as she drank.
You seem to like my song very much, she said.
I nodded my head. There was no going back. We were there until late. She did two more songs and each one was better, cobwebs that held me like a dead fly. I thought about how her fingers pressed the music out of the piano. I wanted to be in the mould of palms, to become a curve, a neck stretched and long until like a vase, my mouth opens.
When the music was done, a little bit tipsy, we got a cab and she said she was headed to a club. I knew the club. I didn't know what to say. I followed her.
She was welcomed like a star. She was led by hand to their vip section and I as if dragged ashore by her tide followed. We sat there and before I knew it, drinks and cigarettes where on the table. She excused herself and I lit a stick. She came back barely dressed. She walked pass me and joined other girls slowly making their way around the floor.
She walked up to the stage and began to dance. My body began to shake. I didn't know whether to close my eyes or to join her. I grew hot and fragile. She swayed back to where I was and sat down beside me, sweaty and fragrant like bodies held close for too long.
What do you think of me now? She asked.
I think I'm in love, I replied.
You can finally speak? She asked laughing.
I grin. I touch her hand and she smiled.
I thought you'd find this difficult to bear, so I thought to show you that I am more than this, she said.
I don't care. I think you're amazing, I replied.
So you won't mind settling with my friend, Celis. You know she is hot all over for you and I don't see why. You're boring but she seems to like you. She is more than a dancer, you know? And we are proud of dancing, we enjoy it, she said.
It came like a folded fist from the left. I stared at her with my mouth opened. What does this mean? You mean all of this evening was to lead me back to Celis?
I don't understand? I said.
Celis is coming once she's done dancing. If you feel you can be with me then you can be with Celis. I believe that now you know people are more than their job. Don't judge her for dancing here. Learn about her and see, she replied.
I had no reply for this. I was ready to let it all burn for her but she had just said I was nothing before her eyes. She had rejected me. I did not minded that my father will kill me.
It is you I want, I said, my voice shaking.
I am married sir. My husband is Celis' brother. He owns this club, she replied.
At that moment, Celis walked to where we are and sat down. She lit a cigarette and looked me up and down.
You think you can break my heart, right? She asked.
I just stared at her and laughed as if I have not just been caught at my own game.
Okay you win. What do you want? I asked.
She smiled and drew closer to me. She blew smoke into my face.
Let me dance for you first, she said, sucked the cigarette; then we will talk about how to handle your father, she added.
THE END