When I was seven years old, I nearly drowned while swimming in the river with my siblings and cousins. It was an experience that became a secret trauma for me. Why a secret trauma, you asked? It’s because no one knew that I almost drowned that day due to the fact that I didn’t tell anyone about it. Even till this day, no one was aware that I once have a close brush with death. As ridiculous it may sound, but I just couldn’t tell anyone about it for some reason. As for why it was so, I’m honestly not even sure myself.
Maybe because I feel embarrassed letting them know about it?
Or maybe, I’m just afraid that time that my parents would forbid me from swimming in the river once they found out of my near-drowning?
Whatever the reason maybe, I opted to keep the fact that I almost drowned a secret. At least until today…
Anyway, the story goes like this. During a summer vacation, my cousins invited me and my brothers to go swimming in the river after seeing that the water level was low. Having not swam in a river before, we eagerly asked our parents for permission. Since my siblings and I know how to swim, our parents agreed but only if our cousins, who were a lot older than us, promised to look after us.
Once we got our parents' permission, everyone went and excitedly entered the river as soon as we arrived. Because it was low tide, the water was not deep and could be safely swum - one could even go to the center of the river and stand there by tiptoeing. Given that the river was shallow enough, I had the wonderful (sarcasm) notion of venturing further away from the shore and into the river's center. So, without informing anyone, especially my cousins, what I was about to do, I swam to the center.
Nothing happened at first, and I was having a fantastic time swimming back and forth, but things changed when I became tired and decided to let myself sink since I thought I could touch the bottom if I tiptoed – big mistake. Not only did I was not able to touch the bottom, I just keep sinking which caused me to panic.
Having lost my composure, I frantically waved my hands around like an idiot in an attempt to reach the surface which proves futile as I just keep sinking back. Soon, I involuntarily started swallowing water as I instinctively opened my mouth to shout for help. Fortunately, as I was sinking further, I regained my calm and was able to reach the surface, where I began coughing. With my remaining strength, I slowly swam to the shore. Only once I reached the shore and feel the ground under my feet did I feel relieved. Sitting down, I began coughing again, and one of my cousins, spotting me, inquired as to why I was coughing.
“Nothing, I just accidentally swallowed water while I’m swimming,” I instinctively answered.
"Is that so?" my cousin asked casually. "Well, since it's already high tide, you should get out of the water so we can go home," my cousin added not realizing that I almost drowned because of the sudden rise in water levels.
Nodding to my cousin, I got up and quickly followed him. After joining the others, I still didn’t mention to anyone, including my parents that I almost drown because of my carelessness. Although I didn’t tell a soul of my accident, it did become trauma, albeit, a secret one.
Now let's talk about why I almost drowned that day. It happened for a variety of reasons, the most crucial of which were negligence, overconfidence, and rising water levels. Negligence came first, primarily because I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings while swimming and playing. My confidence in my swimming ability also played a role in my near-drowning as I decided to swim further from the shore. The level of the river’s water was also a key factor, since there was a low tide when we began swimming, so the water level was low, but as time passed, the water level began to rise without my notice.
Essentially, because the water level was low enough that I could touch the bottom and stand there by simply tiptoeing; I felt it was safe to swim further from the shore. Furthermore, because my swimming ability was good, I am confident that nothing bad will happen, or rather, I did not expect anything bad to happen at all. So against my better judgment, I swam into the deeper part of the river while my older cousins were not paying attention to me.
Now, some of you may be wondering how I was able to remember that experience despite the fact that it occurred when I was very young; all I can say is that that's just how trauma works, or at least, that's how it was for me. Many things are forgotten during childhood, yet trauma remains no matter how much time has passed. Furthermore, as I often frequent beaches and rivers to swim, I am constantly reminded of that incident.
The "good" thing about trauma is that it prevents you from doing the same action that produced the trauma in the first place. In my situation, my trauma kept me from going too deep when I went swimming. When I go swimming, I always make sure that I can easily swim to the shore if needed.