Most times I wish my thoughts could cooperate with my hands as I type away, but that could end up being chaotic for anyone reading, hence the filtering, the editing, the going back and forth on each line to ensure its good enough while loosing the sauce that actually make up the thoughts.
Then the thoughts realize what my hands are doing and stop cooperating then I forget what I'm on about and just drop the note. It's a constant battle I've had to fight countless times and trust me I've won some, but the lot of it just happen to get stuck in a type of thought jail in my mind.
After over 2 years of daily communing, one would think my hands and thoughts should be best of friends by now, I guess time has no use over there. I probably need to head over to that jail and see whose time is up and is due for release.
The first one to be released is my almost forgetting dream to become a pilot. While growing up, there was nothing I wanted more, I had an immense fascination for airplanes, to fly one, to be in control of the flight of an air plane, I had toys that were airplane I wished could fly for real. My friends and family were so cool with calling me a nickname...pilot.
Funny how life takes your lemonade and gives you lemons. At the point where I was to study Aeronautical engineering...or something that had to do with Aerospace technology, reality slapped hard and I realised my family couldn't afford it. Then I went for a more affordable course, Computer science, since I already had a thing for computers anyway.
Finished with my degree in computer science, naturally I should find my way back to Aerospace technology but here I am, hustling to live by. How does one follow passion while hustling to survive? So I hardly blow money, I try to save and invest in places where I know there's a chance to increase whatever I have, like I live the bearest minimum, even had to cut off from a bunch of friends....keeping friends can be costly, for me, if I don't see a viable way of putting that money back, I'm most likely not spending it.
I still like the idea of being a pilot and doing whatever it will take to get me there. Though I'm getting older and these finances are extremely slowly catching up, or maybe that's what I think, lol, I didn't have what I have now a year ago. So...growth eh? I just don't know how long I can keep that dream alive or if I will, I'm not getting any younger and I will like to be actively present in raising my child or children rather than flying about.
Heck I'm not even sure how this all sounds, its not meant to be a rant, just releasing one of the thoughts in my mind jail.
Thanks for reading anyway...