Before I dive into the Derp, I thought I'd define the word Derp in case anyone stumbles across this post for the first time and starts to worry that I've lost my mind with all the derp-related wordplay.
A Dictionary Definition of Derp
DERP -
The definition of derp is the word that is said when something stupid is said or done.
(slang) Draws attention to an act of foolishness or stupidity.
source
For a further dive into the way I use the word, check out my first Derpin post My Dictionary of Derp.
The Number One DerpCadet Trending on Zuckerbook...
Top of the pops today is my fellow countryman and entitled grinning moron, Miles Routledge.
Who recently had to be evacuated from Kabul Afghanistan, where he was cavorting with selfie stick firmly stashed up his arse, enjoying a Derp-tastic extreme tourism vacation.
I have no problem with people travelling where ever they want to, but honestly it seems some special type of Derp for someone to intentionally go to a warzone - not to help wounded people or bring aid to starving families - but for the 'adrenalin rush' of hanging out in a Kabul.
Miles Routledge, 21, of Birmingham, has been posting updates on social media about his travels since the Taliban seized control of the country.
Source: BBC
In all seriousness, why should the Afghanis have to put up with this grinning Gap Yearhhh, selfie-stick waving Derptard, brandishing wads of cash while proclaiming loudly "I'll pay top dollar for a totes authentic experience."
It is like western countries have become the equivalent of an obnoxious big brother holding down their little brother so they can fart in their face. Afghanistan has had the combined flatulence of America and Britain wafting shit-laden 'winds of change' in their faces for well over 40 years.
In that time we've armed Afgan insurgencies while selling them guns, mines and munitions. We've invaded their country to stop a 'vile terrorist threat'... that unfortunately we sold guns, mines and munitions to back in the day. Then we've hung around their country for ten years to train the new standing army... who we supplied with the finest guns, mines and munitions at rock bottom dollar prices.
Then... the final insult, the final squeaker right in the schnoz; our wannabe social media influencers start visiting to grab a handful of steaming misery and rub it right in their faces.
That's 'extreme' tourism baby! Wooooooo, yeah! Smell my Derpin arse wind poor people. Bring me your suffering and poverty, I need something authentic to feed my feed and selfie stick!
Just an idea, maybe we could instead throw our current crop of social media influencers out of a plane at 20,000 feet above a war zone... without a PARACHUTE!
Ok, now I've got that out of my system I feel a lot better 😂
WTF raj808 you complete fcktard why d'you have to make everything so serious? Miles Routledge was just having a bit of fun! That's just the way the world works, calm down, you're being ignorant.
Unfortunately, my alter-ego Dick Derpin needs to let out all the derp-rage or it builds until I'm found holding up stagecoaches on the highway stealing smart phones from the rich, to give to the poor of Afghanistan to Frape their social media pages.
Plus, it's much fun holding up a microscope to these Derptard Millennials who seem to think that nothing has any consequence or meaning.
Hey hey hey, let's make a tourist industry around poverty, suffering and war.
I'll leave with this thought. Imagine for a second that you're a father or mother living in Afghanistan, terrified for your children's lives after witnessing a brutal takeover of the city you live in by the Taliban... and up pops this story about our hero Miles Routledge on your feed.
On Monday Mr Routledge told the PA news agency he and other civilians, including some other British citizens, had been given refuge in what he described as a Nato-controlled building in Kabul.
It came amid chaotic scenes at the city's nearby airport, where hundreds of people attempted to board a US Air Force plane, with several plunging to their death as it took off.
Mr Routledge has said on social media he does not regret his decision to travel to the country.
Source: BBC
If you're still inhabiting the mind of that Afghani, there's no fckin flight out of the warzone for you and your family is there? Stay put and smell those shity winds of change. Oh well, at least you don't have far to travel for that authentic 'extreme tourism' experience.
So remember ya'll, only DerpCadets choose to holiday in a warzone for shits and giggles. Just say no to Derp!
Tune in next week for more DERP, and a satirical poke at whatever story has caught Dick Derpin's attention on the bastions of intellectual thought that are Zukerbook and Twitter.
All media in this post is creative commons license, sourced from giphy.com or created by me. If you have enjoyed this derp-y rant, please do check out past World According to Derp posts:
The World According to Derp #1 - Dictionary of Derp
&
The World According to Derp #2 - Let them all Drown!!!
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