Words are static, but understanding and accepting them depend on the quality of the relationship between the messenger and the listener. No matter how true and intelligible those words might be, distrust and rejection are the final, deciding obstacles. Consequently, the responses of the people we talk to are affected by both their personalities or heart status and how they relate to or perceive us.
As counselors, while we are concerned for the former, as it speaks of the kind of heart we are dealing with, the latter is equally important, for proper relationships govern how truth is delivered and received. We, of course, should not sacrifice the truth in dealing with the counselee’s sins. Meaning, we do not treat them as case studies nor deemphasize their responsibilities and possible incorrect responses. Instead, we must meet them just as Jesus met the Samaritan at the well as a woman, not as a case of a “sinful sexual pattern"; Zacchaeus as a man, not a greedy tax collector; and Peter as a disciple, not just someone with “impulsive issues.” We must never treat people as malfunctioning engines. In other words, while our goal is to address their problems, we must first establish a proper foundation for it, and that is to relate as humans like them.
This explains why close friendships can afford being frank when addressing conflict. When trust has already been established, motivations are more easily discerned, and words are often received as intended—for the other’s good. In contrast, within professional settings, words are often framed more carefully to avoid unnecessary offense, especially in disciplinary situations. We see, then, that when a counselor treats the counselee mechanistically, he mirrors a stranger who speaks unwarrantedly frank. Such an approach not only diminishes the reception of the intended message but also makes it easier to reject it.
The author then points out several steps on how to establish a proper relationship with the counselee. You can look at this link, as 