Parenting is a journey that comes with its challenges, though a beautiful one at that. I think one of the many concerns most parents face is how to effectively connect with their kids, especially the girl child. The bond every parent creates between them and their kids lays the foundation for their behaviours, values and self-worth. As children grow, especially girls, the need for that connection becomes even more critical. Without it, they may adapt behaviours that would be difficult to curtail later in life.
A particular case is the story of a little girl in my neighbourhood. She is only 3 years old and has started showing signs of stubbornness and defiance. Her mother, who is already worn out and frustrated, constantly shares how her daughter refuses to heed corrections unless she's beaten or punished and even then, it seems her heart has been hardened at such a young age.
It has gone beyond just using a cane on her as it isn't adding any impact on her attitude, leaving her mother feeling helpless on her own. Her husband has moved to another city to hustle for the family and this has placed more pressure on her shoulders. It's very obvious to see how overwhelmed she feels, especially with a stubborn child like her daughter, but it also points out how urgent it is for an intervention before it gets out of control.
Children, particularly girls, need more than discipline to shape their character. They need emotional connection, understanding and guidance. Punishment alone cannot do the job of correcting and shaping them as it can create an emotional barrier that could make the child more resistant to correction. Perhaps a girl child's heart being hardened implies a cry for attention, to be loved and understood, though it may not appear that way on the surface.
Taking this little girl's case as an example, her stubbornness could be a way of expressing her need for closeness from her parents. The absence of her father might also be a factor contributing to the situation even though she's still young. Sometimes, when parental attention is not balanced, it affects children, especially girls, which leads them to start misbehaving. Without proper intervention, there is a tendency for their behaviours to become more serious in adolescence.
Why Connection Matters
Connection is the key to raising emotionally healthy, well-adjusted children, particularly girls. Studies have shown that children who are so close emotionally to their parents are more likely to exhibit positive social behaviours and have high self-esteem. Their chances of growing up and engaging in risky behaviours would also be less.
Parents, especially mothers, serve as the primary caregivers, so they must establish that trust and open communication with their daughters at the foundational level - early stage. Girls should not feel that their parents are only disciplinarian but one they can rely on and turn to for support, understanding and love.
When this emotional bond is created early on, young girls won't be exposed to negative influences from various channels, whether peer pressure, social media or even within the family dynamics.
So, what can parents, like the mother of this little girl do?
It starts with changing the way they discipline, such as active listening - instead of assuming a child is stubborn, mothers should create time to listen and understand what might be causing such wrong behaviour. Most times, their crying may mean needing attention or that they want something deeper.
Another thing to focus on is positive reinforcement - where their good behaviours are being rewarded just as correcting bad behaviour. This stimulates a child to seek out positive feedback rather than resorting to defiance to get attention.
Children need room to express themselves, so reacting with patience and empathy can go a long way in softening their hearts and encouraging openness. Most important of all is that parent must be emotionally available for their children. They should be there to talk, listen and show affection.
In conclusion, parent must understand how urgent it is to build these connections with their daughters. They must be intentional in putting more effort into nurturing, guiding and connecting with children emotionally rather than waiting for behaviours to escalate or relying on punitive measures.
Image generated from Meta AI