"Stare long enough into the void, and you'll see light, as well as colour." — beautifulwreck
About two weeks ago, I went to visit my littlest brother, who I strongly believe to be my soulmate. For those who have already read some of my posts, you probably know by now how important he is to me. This particular day, I had been feeling disconnected (not by choice) and felt like I needed to put in the extra work to remind him how much I love him. We are the perfect knuckleheads together, and I really hope the bond we have strengthens even more with the passing of time.
I went to visit him with a clear idea in mind, an activity that we would both enjoy and that would make us really be there, in the present, together. I had printed a few cool designs for us to do some colouring work, gathered some old markers, and was ready to gift him 100% of my attention for at least a few hours.
When I got there, he was watching TV, and it was one of those strange occasions where he doesn't jump at me first thing, speaking a thousand words per minute. He was completely immersed in his cartoons. He didn't even say hello. I was a little disappointed and amused, in equal parts. There I was, craving for that sense of deep connection, and he had eyes only for the TV. Made me think of the times I've been glued to my phone when I'm with him, and I promised myself I'd be more mindful of that in the future.
About ten minutes later, he managed to pull himself from the TV long enough to show his little face in the room I was in. I believe commercials were on, and that's why he did so! Otherwise, I'd have been on my own for a while longer, I'm sure. So, he said hello, finally, and I presented my colouring idea to him. Much to my despair, he didn't seem interested, not in the slightest. He dismissed it with a flick of the wrist and went back to his fun cartoons. How could I compete with that?
Spoiler alert: we did colour for hours on end. You might wonder, how did it happen? Well, at some point, during another commercials break, he showed up his little face again. And I simply told him, "Hey, I'm here right now, and I'd love to spend some time with you. The TV will still be there later when I go home, but I will not. So... How about we do some colouring for a while?" He simply stared back, with the wisest look in his eyes, and nodded. See? We are soulmates. Of that I'm sure.
We laid down all kinds of markers on the table and placed our printed designs in front of us. He, in all his innocence, asked me what colours should he use. And I, of course, told him to pick whichever called for his attention. I did the same, choosing the shades and the placement with no particular order or reason. While we enjoyed the activity, we discussed life. He kept saying that mine was going to be better than his, and I reassured him that both artworks would be beautiful, in many ways, because we would have done them with our own hands and intentions. See what I did there? A little metaphor for you to treasure, if you're keen.
It's not every day that I'm in the right place and with the best disposition to have such a lovely moment with my littlest brother. Some days, the shadows creep up all around me, and I get scared of myself. But I've found that even if I close my eyes, in the utter darkness that I'm left in there will always be a little light and a little colour. And I hold on to that with all my strength.
I'd like to thank you for reading this. I hope my words resonated with you in some way. If they did, or even if they didn't, I'd like to further connect with you, so I invite you to drop a comment and I'll answer it as soon as I can.
