When the most festive mailbox you've seen is right down the street from the house; take a picture of it, run it as a cover image, and wing the rest.
Dreamy
It really sucks right now if you don't recognize that mailbox as the leg lamp—an iconic lamp from a 1983 movie A Christmas Story. If this is your first time seeing the leg lamp then you don't know where phrases like "double dog dare" and "you'll shoot your eye out" originate—you're missing out. I'm not even sure how to properly follow that image.
England
How's that for a wtf moment? My buddy in England sent me that—a Morrison's super market social distancing monitor in West Yorkshire. He lives in England but he's Irish so although he's P/C programmed like a Brit, he takes direction while asking the attendant to pose for the camera. Brit's won't do that—they just take direction.
Not that there's anything wrong with P/C! I'm just a culturally bred American from Los Angeles where social distancing monitor's won't fly, like asking a cop for driving directions. Like asking a cop for anything actually. There's things you can do in LA you can't do in England and vice versa. A few examples, shall we?
What I meant by 'wing the rest'
Two common responses to two common questions asked in both England and Los Angeles:
Excuse me, what time does the bus arrive?
England: You'll be assisted by people you've never met, they genuinely appreciate your company. They're pointing and explaining the bus schedule to you, downloading apps to your phone while showing you alternate times and routes. They won't leave until you fully understand the bus schedule and don't be surprised when they bring you a cup of coffee.
Los Angeles: "Do I look like a fuckin clock to you asshole?!"
Excuse me, are you familiar with the area? We're looking for a good curry or maybe some Thai food.
England: Before you get to the part about curry, you'll know their family heritage and when/where their ancestors settled. By the time they tell you their favorite curry and Thai restaurants in the area, you've already exchanged phone numbers and they offered to pick you and your wife up tomorrow, treat you to supper, and tour you around the countryside.
Los Angeles: "Do I look like a fuckin clock to you asshole?!"
Another example—the #blm protests. In LA, there's helicopters, tier gas, German Shepherds and riot police in swat gear. In England, not so much. I snapped this picture of a protest on the corner of Water Road in Todmorden city center at the beginning of the year.
"Down with this sort of thing!"
I miss England. Europeans in general, as well as Asians, are a really hospitable and welcoming culture compared to Americans but Brit's set the bar. Good luck paying for soopah ('supper' with an English accent) in England!
In America, we call it 'Dutch.' Don't ask me why. Splitting the tab is normal in America, it's common for a server to ask "separate checks?" Listen up, my fellow Americans in attendance—in Europe, the Middle East, and the UK, they call that 'the American way.' Dutch call it 'the American way' too. The only way to pay a tab over there is arrive at the restaurant first—turns to a game.
Pura and I would show up 30 and 40 minutes early just to get the tab and we were only successful once. When they've refused to allow you to purchase a meal three or four straight outings, you get creative.
Arrive before them! Give the manager a couple hundred bucks to cover the tab—it's the only way
Your soopah company will get pissed (it's part of the game) when they learn the check's been paid and they'll insist the server return your money but stand your ground—stay strong! Both them and the server will try to convince you to accept your money back. This may be your only opportunity to buy dinner and you're almost done—stay strong!
Stand Your Ground
I love that picture. The lady posing in the image above, the one standing on the wrong side of the clearly identified line, her. She was just telling a gentleman less than 10 seconds ago which side of the line to properly stand—shit show.
"Can't you see the tape? Hello!" In her cranky old, crotchety, Dr. Phil watching, crybaby snitch voice, "you're standing too close to the register, sir!!"
"I know exactly where I'm standing, lady. Same place you're standing—my business! Now stand in your own business would'ya!"
It was fantastic! They went back and forth a few times. It was just the two of them, the attendant and myself—front row to free entertainment at the convenience store. As soon as he finished and paid, they gave each other a you don't know shit look, he walked out the door and she stepped over the line to conduct business at the register.
Can't Make This Stuff Up
That's the train station parking lot in Todmorden, England. Kind, welcoming, between Brit's and Greeks, it's a tough call. Both cultures go above and beyond common hospitality when introduced to a foreigner. As far as I know, however, Brits are the only culture to own/operate the politically correct automobiles described above.
Still wingin it—still goin. Times like this I like to reread my content from the beginning and remind myself how we got here. It was the leg lamp mailbox that did this! For those curious whether or not it lights up at night, of course it does. It wouldn't be a leg lamp mailbox if it didn't, it would just be a lampshade on top of a leg mailbox.
¿Really?
It was the smoothest transition I could think of
When we went to California a few months ago, I made a few stops around the neighborhood. It was election season around the country. How many people were involved in the manufacturing of that sign you think? I'm assuming someone running for school district office is named Black and Black's opponent posted that sign.
You also got the person who designed it. The print shop who produced it. All the little hands out there driving around strategically placing it where more eyes see it. All those people involved with the same sign and not one time did someone suggest an alternate way of saying Vote No Black School District in....
Like working an underground converter station at Twin Towers—government facility in downtown Los Angeles. You're working for the city so you know all the requests, approvals, hurry up and waiting required to properly spray paint nomenclature on a pothead.
Station operator formally submits a request.
The request makes its way through management and passes across several high priority desks before reaching final approval.
Approved—signed, sealed, delivered.
An email with detailed instructions and transaction identification is forwarded to the sign department.
Received.
Government Ped. A
(Ped. - "Pedler") The computer engineer on the receiving end at the sign shop transfers the instructions to a wall monitor and a stencil is designed, double-checked, sized accurately, 3D printed and ready for field use.
Stencil's sent out to the field engineer who, upon personally approving the custom stencil, coordinates a time between station operations and the painting crew. Government Ped. A line needs de-energized and grounded so the painter can enter the station safely and paint the nomenclature on the pothead.
Switching complete. System grounded.
Painter receives authority to enter station before meeting his electrical safety observer whose only job is to keep the painter from potentially hurting himself on energized equipment while inside the station.
Station operator hands stencil to the electrical safety observer who then passes the stencil to the painter.
Painter's in position. Stencil's in position. A few touches of white spray paint and about a month of bureaucracy later—Government Ped. A is identified.
Painter leaves the station. Safety observer signs out, bullshits with security for a minute on his way out the gate and the operator energizes Government Ped. A.
Control Center's notified the system's in service and Government Ped. A is back online.
All those hands. All those notes, desks and computer screens with who knows how many eyes staring at that stencil. Everything from the original request form to the painter himself, all government employees, and nobody mentioned government has two N's in it.
Awtokrect