Hello Hivers, I hope you guys are doing well. Today I wanted to share with you all my PCOS story and the impact it brought in my life, personally, professionally and how I got up from the adversities it caused.
It was 4 years back that I was diagnosed with PCOS and my condition then was really bad. I would get my periods delayed by 2-3 months and once I was into menstruation it would last for at least 20 days and sometimes even 30. I was 18 then and in a completely new city to pursue my Chartered Accountancy course. I had no choice than to just adjust to the growing changes and fight back until things get settled.
So, after being diagnosed I started with my hormonal medications. Initially I was hopeful things are going to be fine and with great hope I did what I was asked to by my gynaecologist. I was not allowed to have any junk food, no sugar, no carb diet, almost nothing that a normal teenager otherwise had, not to forget the dozens of medicine I had to take every day.
3 months later I was sonographed again and to my disappointment, my PCOS didn’t go, not even improved, as if nothing was ever done in that matter. I was heartbroken and depressed. The hormonal medicines started taking control over me and with the major mood swings and depression I started siding myself. I had major inferiority complexes and for a scholar and social person like me, this was a major setback.
I had no one to talk about my issue, I didn’t want my parents to worry, I had no friends then, I had stopped meeting people and confined myself into a room besides having the pressure of a professional course on my head. I had major physical issues started by then, pattern baldness, dark patchy skin, painful periods that lasted a month, not to forget the awful odour, facial hair, infact hair all over the body, the fear of not be able to be a mother, the fear of not being complete and desirable. Eventually I became a patient of clinical depression and anxiety.
A year of medication and therapy had left me alone, dreadful and complex. I wasn’t me anymore and not just me but everyone could feel that.
After suffering for about 2 years, it was then that I realised that I have to stand up for myself if I need to change things. No, I won’t say it’s some other motivational story, but it’s my story.
I realised I wasn’t beautiful because of the falling hair and bald patches on my head. I won’t be adorable because of the dry skin and dark patches that the medications and my condition has given me. I won’t be a person people get wowed by. But amidst of it all, I will still be me, I will still be that kind, generous, funny, energetic and soulful person people can fall in love with. I realised and I admitted that I won’t be one of those girls people write poetry about, that I won’t be beautiful. But then I found that I don’t have to be beautiful when I can be much more, when I can be “Me”.
I realised maybe I won’t be part of the social group who goes out and booze around, eat whatever they like and have fun, but I can still be a part of the most prestigious profession. I can be the dream I saw.
And then, when I started focusing on the things that I could still be, even without the things that I can’t, I felt I was complete in my own way. And that made me happy, in all senses.
It’s been 4 years to the diagnose, I still have PCOS and I still have major mood swings, sometimes more than anyone can handle. I still doubt myself every now and then and question my existence. But instead of everything, I still keep my head high and keep moving. Because loving yourself is not a feeling, it’s a promise you make to yourself. That it’s not just one day you choose yourself, it’s you choosing yourself every day and every time, no matter what. And today I can proudly say that I am a Chartered Accountant and I am happy.