I clocked a new age four days ago. Contrary to the expectations of people, I wasn't excited about it. I didn't say a word about it to anyone. Most of my friends were quite surprised to see me wish myself a happy birthday on my WhatsApp status. Others totally forgot and kept asking why I didn't say a word about it to them. To me, it wasn't necessary, I didn't see anything worth celebrating.
I didn't have a really good birthday either. Just a few wishes and two phone calls. I cried most of the day and prayed too. I know life is worth celebrating but what I'm I supposed to do if I'm living a life with nothing worth celebrating? I felt really empty and sad and there was nothing anyone could do to get me out of that mood.
It's the first time I felt that way about my birthday. I was very depressed. I had written down a couple of things I wanted to achieve before my birthday but despite how hard I worked, I didn't meet half of the goals. It made me so sad. I personally hate to have the clock tick a full year and find me on the same spot.
Prior to this moment, I had not written a post on Hive in 12 long days. More like this sad feeling has been here way before the birthday arrived. I just wanted a break from everything. If I could run away to a different planet for a few days, I think I would have really considered that.
Regardless of this, there were a few things to be grateful for on my birthday. Apart from the fact that I'm alive, I received nice birthday presents from a loved one. I also had two lovely messages of gratitude from close friends. I think this was the most important thing for me. I love it better when I've made good impacts on people's lives and it's such a great feeling to see people recognize and appreciate the little sacrifices I've made for them.
I felt loved despite the fact that I wasn't happy with myself.
Today, I'm taking myself to a really quiet place. I just want the whole day to myself. I'll be reflecting and restrategizing. If the previous plans didn't work, I believe a different method could. My goals remain, I believe they are very much achievable and time will prove that.
Right now I'm looking beyond my flaws, my troubles, beyond my failures, beyond negativities, beyond the place that I am right now. I'm looking at possibilities, the things yet to come, the places I'm headed and the purpose of which I came to existence. I'm allowing myself to learn from every experience and I'm trusting the process. If I'm alive, it's only but a sign that I could accomplish much more.
Here's to telling myself that I've been doing a great job and though the pace is slow, I can see how much progress I'm making and how much more I could make if I go on. Here's to wishing myself the strength to keep on, the best in all my endeavours and a 365 days journey full of gratitude.
Happy birthday to me in arrears. 🥂❤️
All images used on this post are mine.
